Messed up person

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MessengerFromHell, Dec 9, 2013.

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  1. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    I am going bonkers soon... one moment you can see me crying the next moment you can see me laughing...

    Everybody hates me and every whisper to another party is about me.

    I can hear voices telling me I am a bitch and I am stupid and never amount to anything. No wonder your loved one left you.

    Nobody even want to be friends with me.

    I hurt people in my own pleasure, the quintessence of pain that is me.

    I hate myself so much. For being so incapable and messed up in the brains. Just like a profoundly retarded ****.

    This is me. This is how messed up I am. This is the me that I hate.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Have you gotten any professional help with these thoughts? They can be very difficult to overcome without real support sometimes.....
     
  3. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    Yes I do. I know I need medication but it will affect my work due to the side effects. I don't want to compromise my career.

    Yea, am I even capable to have a career
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There are a lot of different meds out there and by starting at very low doses you can determine the side effects (if any - bad side effects are in no way an automatic) before they have a dramatic effect. It would appear that no help is not working exceptionally well and I know of no side effect worse than death (by suicide) or second worse of hating everything about yourself and life so you want to die- those are pretty severe symptoms/side effects already.
     
  5. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    have you gotten a diagnosis for your probs yet? sounds like maybe you have bipolar... but i can't be sure. nyj is right tho, you should seek counseling for the voices you are hearing... i used to have that prob, haven't in a long time, and the counselor can teach you methods to both distinguish from reality and psychosis and how to lessen them...
     
  6. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    Bipolar Type II with depression... And it feels terrible. Dealing with symptoms.

    It hurts me more when i see those who are in a worse situation than me.. Yet there is nothing i can do. As much as I want to be a blessing to those who are hurting. I want to give them comfort. The love that I always want to give, that heals a hurting person, but it seems like garbage.
     
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