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messed up.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tillymus, Oct 22, 2006.

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  1. tillymus

    tillymus Member

    I feel so messed up right now i just want to end it.
    i keep having these feelings and thoughts and my parents keep upsetting me and things at home are not good.I want to move out get away from it all
    be alone but i couldnt cope on my own not with my depression.

    I feel like giving up becuase when i feel as messed up as i do now i feel suicidal i feel that it would be instant relief from feeling this messed up.

    all i want is to be happy and the things i need to make me happy i cant have becuase it would hurt/upset my parents.

    i either carry on being unhappy or be happy but in doing so i will upset my parents and they may disown me then i will end up having to move out and be on my own and i might not see my parents becuase they might not want to see me anymore.
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hey :smile:

    Sounds like a endless cycle to me :sad: My first thought was what would make you happy? and why would your parents disown you because of that?

    I can understand you saying you want to move out but feel you won't be able to cope, thats perfectly natural. We are with out parents from when we are born to the day we move out, its a scary thought, thinking you won't be able to cope, and having depression makes things seem 10 times worse.

    My opinion is that you want to leave the house right, but are scared of what they might do if left alone, sometimes parents are useful without them even knowing, like you know that you can't necessarily do anything serious because of your parents finding out and i think when moving out them you lose that comfort and are scared of your own actions.

    You need to take a step in the right direction, the direction to the happiness you so desire. Talk to your doctor, if possible talk to you parents, but i would strongly reccomend the doctor as they can arrange counselling and even medication to help with emotions.

    Please take care of yourself,

    Vikki x
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you are feeling this way...maybe you would like to share how things are messed up...I bet there are plenty of ppl who relate to what you are going through...hang in there and please either post or chat about how you are doing...we do care and want to be there for you...big hugs, Jackie
  4. iQuit

    iQuit Well-Known Member

    Don't do it! Things will get better soon!
  5. tillymus

    tillymus Member

    I dont think many people can relate to this or maybe they can i dont know.

    to cut a long story short i am a 23 year old male who wants to be a female i feel like im a woman trapped inside a mans body.Iv had these feelings since i was 15 im 23 now and its tearing me apart inside becuase i want tell my parents as i know thye think that ,that kind of thing is sick.
    I cant help the way im feeling and i really want to tell them so i dont have to keep hiding my feminine side and keep living a lie.

    I feel that if i tell my parents they wont want ot know me anymore and i may have to move out.

    Also if i told them it would upset them.

    If i move out and dont tell them then it will save everyone upset but then im scared to move out.

    Monday i am going to the doctors to tell him about my feelings and i dont think they can help becuase my parents eventualy would have to find out about my feelings.

    i feel trapped and messed up i dont know which way to turn and all i know is that i dont want ot have to hide my feelings anymore they make me happy and all i want to be is happy and be myself without fear/worrying anymore.

    iv been struggling with this issue for 8 years now and i cant do it anymore thats why i have to sort this issue out so i can be happy and also for peace of mind.
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Transgender issues are more common than you would imagine. There are many qualified therapists who deal with these issues...that is not to say this is an easy position to be in, but many ppl have made successful transitions...please see if there is a transgender, gay, lesbian support group near you so that you can express how you feel and get the support you need...and thank you for being so open and brave to discuss this...you can be quite proud of that...best of luck and please know we are here to support you...big hugs
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