Messed up

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by bluebutterfly7, Nov 20, 2011.

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  1. bluebutterfly7

    bluebutterfly7 New Member

    This is my first thread here. I have SHed for many years but not so much recently until the last week or so. In the last week I have SHed much too much and am now on a cycle. I feel like without SH I can't 'see' the inner mess. I am so controled about showing how I feel and feel better when I SH and can see and feel what is on the inside on the outside. I'm not sure this is making any sense. Anyway I am seeing a new psychologist tomorrow and all day I've been feeling ok and then like SH even tho I know I should wait until at least I have seen the psych. Also worried that if the appointment goes badly that will be an 'excuse' to SH even more. Sigh. Not even sure the psych can help me anyway. Perhaps I'm not able to be helped. I already take meds and really don't want to increase them. I think they make it worse because then I feel so, so numb and flat. Like nothing really matters, there is no purpose to anything and that makes me think about death more often. Although at the moment I'm not actually suicidal, but I feel like I am on the edge - if that makes sense.

    Bluebutterfly7
     
  2. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    Hey there and welcome to SF.
    Have u considered other things thats doesnt cause permenant damage such as ice. I hope all goes well at the docs but remember to tell him everything and how or what has triggered this new cycle.

    Im sure everything will go fine :) . Keep posting if u ever get the urge to SH as it can take ur mind of things. At lest it works for me sometimes
     
  3. ash_wanderer

    ash_wanderer Member

    I feel for you hun. Sometimes I feel like SHing even though I'm in a good mood. Going to see the new doctor will be a good thing, and maybe you could ask him to try a different med rather than upping the dose? I'm sure he'll take into account all of your symptoms. If it's making things worse, you should probably be taking something different. Also, I find that when I have breakdowns, Kava Tea helps calm me down. It doesn't always do enough to make me stop SHing, but it helps some of the time...and that's better than none :) Much love!!
     
  4. bluebutterfly7

    bluebutterfly7 New Member

    Thanks ash_wanderer and distress. The psych was amazing and I have hope that he can actually help me. Which is the first time in a few years. He also said to use ice and to write in my diary.
     
  5. ash_wanderer

    ash_wanderer Member

    I am so glad you like him, that makes a huge difference. I had one that I didn't trust and ended up lying to him all the time...which got me no where. I've also been trying wearing a rubber band and snapping it when I feel the need for pain. It works well so far. I hope you are feeling better :) much love!
     
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