I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 and half years now. She stopped me from committing suicide before. Now that I messed up our relationship, I've been drinking heavily and I do have a loaded pistol in my room. I often think about just ending it. She won't talk to me or stop me. I have committed my entire life to her, now I'm afraid and tired. I'm tired of all the fighting and arguing. I'm tired of all the bad luck. I've endured so much pain and I'm suffering for it. I can't sleep at night. I can't think properly. All i want is my girlfriend, but it's too late now. I can't stop thinking about ending it all.