It seems so messed up how my drunk/high self is more rational, sociable, and generally more pleasant than my normal self. Lots of people do stupid things drunk, but if anything it makes me ruminate on things less and I don't freak out, just stay calm about it instead of blowing things out of proportion and ending up enraged or suicidal. More so than anything, I just love when the constant anxiety disappears, being able to just relax is the best feeling in the world. Still don't know what to do about it all. The only things that my doctor has ever prescribed that worked were benzos, which he is understandably reluctant to prescribe to people as they are little different than the recreational stuff you can find. Not sure what my point is here, just sorta writing down my thoughts.