methods ready, date and location set.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by kote, Feb 24, 2010.

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  1. kote

    kote Account Closed

    methods ready, date and location set.

    ive just had it with so much.

    ive tried and tried again with all type of meds, its just life im not made for it.

    its gonna be over.

    i will see who i can help here before i go.

    but this is no cry for help just a message of acknowledgement.

    sorry to all those who helped.

    i will pay it back before i go its a promise.
  2. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    you sure you don't want to talk about it?
    i don't know anything about your situation but i would like to
  3. kote

    kote Account Closed

    thanks for the offer but there is no need.

    times taken care of all the talking i had so there is nothing left at the end.

    now before the days run out can i help you in anyway?
  4. Anni

    Anni Well-Known Member

    *hug* :-(
  5. kote

    kote Account Closed

    thanks for the hug its appreciated.

    but when the time has come you just know.

    its like falling in love you just know.

    ive just fallen out of love for this world and life.

  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Here if you need anything.
  7. 41021

    41021 Banned Member


    :no: No. No.

    Oh Please....please. Sweetie, please let us talk. **hugs** i know it's been so hard lately. i know. You've worked so hard and struggled...i know you've had so much going on. I know it's been difficult. Awwwww fellow ****HUGS****

    Things seem to look up a bit and then geez. I know. i know. I know it's hard...i truly do. **HUGS**

    Come on fellow.

    i am so sorry :sad: I have not been around for you. oh man Neanderthal! I do think of you and my heart and thoughts are with you even when i am not around. oh man. Come on fellow, let's find a way together to get through this...please...let us give another chance? yes?


    Hey, there is so much for you to consider. Are you looking at everything or is it the pain, frustration, exhaustion that has you a bit down on the hope? Please be fair to you and talk to me or someone here. It's not easy seeing everything when so very much is going on. i do hear you...i know you don't want too talk...but just, just let's try talking again, please? Surely it couldn't hurt?

    Neanderthal, :sad: I honestly know how you feel about knowing the time has come. ugh. but do consider, with everything that you have been experiencing, things may be clouded at the moment. Come on, just consider that possibility...the clarity may not really be there. I do know what you mean about falling out of love for this world and life :sad: I truly do. Come take the hands of those of us here. ***tears***


    I am supposed to remind you...and i am failing as my own head/heart have been so messed up...there is something i am supposed to remind you when you feel like asked me too...please give me time to recall.

    *****HUGS***** you always have my hugs and support. You are such an incredible human being and possess a kind and gentle heart (i know what you are thinking. but you do!)...perhaps you can extend a bit of gentleness to you?
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 24, 2010
  8. kote

    kote Account Closed

    Kali you are the kindest person around.

    you know ive always been on edge hence i frequent here often unlike the goulish ones who do it as some form of attention.

    i actually wanted help and to help others.

    but now ive been so wrapped up in myself its just gonna get worse aswell.

    so i will just settle all my affairs so i dont leave anything extra for anyone to do and then thats it.

    a trek into the mountains and hypothermia will suit me fine mixed with my methods.

    what were the immortal words of scot? im just stepping outside for a moment chaps.

    well thats me just going for a hike and see you in another life when we are both cats ( vanilla sky i think )

    anyway a few more days to go it will take 2 to sort out my office.

    i just gone far too far and there is no turning back. no one here knows and i wont and cant say. thats just the way its planned out.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 24, 2010
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You said you wanted help. I hope you'll still reach out for it now. :hug:
  10. 41021

    41021 Banned Member



    ***tears and tears***



    ouch :sad:
  11. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    What has led you to this point? There is a way out you just have to find it.
  12. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Neanderthal, I hope that you muster the courage to take one more chance with us... We are here for you!
  13. charmane

    charmane Well-Known Member

    so i will just settle all my affairs so i dont leave anything extra for anyone to do and then thats it.


    You speak of helping others and your words suggest you think of them. Settling your affairs so those left behind don't have any extra burdens shows that you are a person who puts others first. A lot of people in your position don't think about others they just act - impulsively and emotionally (like the recent small plane pilot that crashed in Texas). He didn't think of others. He didn't worry about his family left behind - he certainly didn't think about the people he intended to take with him. Your words show you are not like this at all.

    I just wanted to say that having been through a successful suicide in the family, another successful suicide of a close friends son, and living with the attempts and the threat of this by my own son, your actions will not be seamless. No matter how you plan, how you try to settle your affairs, how much you do not want others in your life to suffer - the legacy of pain, of guilt and despair will forever cloud your memory.

    The people in your life, family, friends, co-workers will have so much baggage to deal with. They will never really get over it. I have personally watched a mother drink herself to death of a broken heart. She lost the will to live when her son took his life. She had four other children but she could not let go of him - she felt that she should have been able to stop him. He was only 20. My son is only 23 and he feels that his life is not worth living either. He has been loved, he has been supported but his pain is so great, it comes from his inside demons. I am terrified that one day he will do what you are so carefully planning and the next time he will succeed.

    You are in so much pain - I can tell by your words that you have written. I have said it before in this forum and I will say it now. You can't close a book until the story is written. You have more story to go - It is obvious by the fact that you have affairs to put in order - people to consider. If you give yourself the gift of a tomorrow - that could be the day that things change for you. If you are like my son, you don't believe for a minute that such a thing is possible. You can't see through the veil of pain over your eyes anymore. But, tomorrow can be better.

    Obviously, for it to be so, you have to keep trying, keep hoping, keep dreaming. It takes hard work to overcome the kind of pain and terrible problems that bring you to this point. I'm sure you have tried in the past but remember that you can take this action anytime. It does not have to be today or tomorrow. Postpone this plan and put another in its place. Have a tomorrow and see what happens. It could be the day that something positive - no matter how small - gives you something to live for. This is how life works. It works that way for all of us - life is so hard sometimes, so hard to understand.

    I wish you relief from this terrible pain. I wish you strength so you can live to fight another day. I wish you the wisdom to step back and really consider what a burden you are placing on the shoulders of everyone in your life. They will not be o.k. They will not ever be able to get over this. I wish you determination and inspiration to overcome your pain, fears and history. Most of all I wish you a tomorrow. You are valued, you are worth it.

  14. kote

    kote Account Closed

    thank you all for your messages and kind hearts.

    they are all really appreciated!!!

    anyway i have to get ready for a funeral today.

    i may be back later at around 9pm my time.

    but the plan is still in action and this time when its time its time to go.

    sorry to everyone i know how much you care, i was there once but now im blinkered and can only see one way out.

  15. Ahism

    Ahism Member

    I don't know your status. I don't know why you want to do this. I'm feeling similar to you. I don't care how cliche I sound right now, but take a week off. If you're still feeling it, go for it. Your life is in your hands and that's my belief. Our minds are objects of impulse and persuasion; nothing more and nothing less. Just please please postpone the plan a week, I'm begging you. Please.
  16. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I've made two attempts where, just beforehand I was like you on a crash course with my death and I thought I knew what was best for me- best for the world. I mean no disrespect whatsoever but you really don't know what you are doing right now. I've been where you are.

    Please give it a couple of weeks to get out of this impulsive period. Keep posting here or at least keep PM-ing some of the members you have made connections with. Consider spilling the beans to a person who can get you in the hospital.

    Please stop, okay?
  17. kote

    kote Account Closed

    ive set a date in march so i have plenty of time to reflect upon what i choose.

    i agree a hospital stay might be ideal. last resort kind of thing i guess.

    after today i will tell my wife how im feeling and will get something sorted.

    i still have time to change. but even using that time to find a way out probably wont work. ive been looking for a way out for 3 years.

    ive just decided that enough is enough, i havent the capacity for any more.

    i just want everything to be finished with. then a nice smooth exit.

    its been decided and im very head strong so im doubtful that i will change my mind even if i seek extra help.
  18. Ahism

    Ahism Member

    As long as you give yourself time and a chance.
  19. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    What about your wife? You love her if she is her wife no? What happens to her? DO you really want to put her through that? I know what its like l;osing my friends. In the past year I have had two childhood friends die from drunk driving. So needlessly dead. I am bringing this up because I am new to the board and so far from your posts this seems to be one of your triggers.

    When I lost my friend of 20 years, his name was Adam, last year, I was devistated and PISSED. So angry at myself, at him, at God (if there is one) but what helped me through it was to do something he always wanted to do for him. We used to watch the Last Samurai together all the time and dream about what it would be like to do just that. Leave life behind and move across the world. Get a fresh start. He never got that chance. He died 4 miles from his house. Drunk as fuck because he hated his life and the girl he lost. So here I am half way across the world for him. Because I could and he can't. Keep your friends memory alive.
  20. kote

    kote Account Closed

    well pointed out, i was planning the first week of march with half supplies of "method" but if i wait till the 16th i will get to see my dr. and my wife is away on business for the 16th and 17th. so no distractions. im doing this to benefit her and the kids in the long run, im just a weight they have to carry and i dont want that for them.
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