Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ifrit, Jan 10, 2009.

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  1. ifrit

    ifrit Active Member

    I will try to describe it the best way i can(not good with words).

    I have suffard from depression for along time and at a point i was so bad i wanted to just die tryed a couple of times failed as i do in life, but then i found ways to block it out playing games online games movies etc anything to keep me distracted.

    But lately nothing seems to work all thos thoughts i kept at bay have come flooding back in and nothing i do stops it, im just so tired of this struggle nothing i do ever goes right i mess up everything no matter how hard i try i end up being a failuer and im tired of it.

    I have to put on a fake smile all the time anyone asks how i am im fine never let on im dying in side just that im fine.....always fine....
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 10, 2009
  2. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    You describe what a lot of us feel very well. Don't believe those thoughts though because it's part of depression. The way it makes us feel like we are failures. I treat every day I survive as being a success. The Mask is well known and I find it great that I know I have no need of it here on the forum. Here I can be totally honest about how I am feeling and that helps. Hope it can help you too.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Ifrit,

    Welcome to sf.

    Please don't hide how you feel. The people around you can't help you if you do. You need to be open and honest. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? Perhaps getting a counselor would be a step forward? :hug:
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    So many of us put on that face and pretend. It really doesn't help us out any, but it is so much easier than trying to explain and seeing the looks of pity, fear, etc. SF is one place you do not have to do that. You are free to be open and just be yourself. We do not judge you for the issues you have. We have suffering in common, sadly enough. I hope you are able to find support here. :hug:
  5. ifrit

    ifrit Active Member

    tbh when i try to talk to people they change they look at me different or act different and whats always going through my head is stop being stupid, stop getting upset your weak dont feel sad your weak your useles.

    When i try to talk about them it feels like im just bothering people with it that what i feel is meaningles, if i feel anything im weak.
  6. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    It sounds really difficult for you and nothing is able to give you the distraction and escape that you need. Does talking about it help at all?

    I know i may be stating the obvious but i just wanted to point out that the thoughts of you being weak, useless etc are what you are thinking about yourself.. they're not the reality. It is possible to challenge these thoughts you're having about yourself (perhaps through therapy) and be kinder to yourself.. you deserve that x
  7. ifrit

    ifrit Active Member

    its nice when im around people who understand and when itry to talk about my feelings it only comes out as im ok even if i feel like im breaking up in side.

    Most of the time the only thought going through my mind is im useless weak why are u even alive your just a burden to people do something, I cant seem to speak about how i feel i mean most of the time i dont understand how im spoussed to act or do what i feel some emotions.
  8. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Expressing and allowing yourself to feel your feelings are a valid way of respecting yourself. It isn't weak - it takes inner strength to feel pain and not act on it. Try talking it out here, or maybe find someone who will listen even if it is a therapist ... It isn't easy to bear alone.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey ifrit,
    Maybe you need to go in the hospital so you can be evaluated and put on meds that will take that edge off. Don't worry you won't get high. AD's sort of work silently keeping you stable. They can help you set up a therapist and a shrink for when you get out of the hospital.
    Don't be afraid of going in either, it's nothing like the movies. I have always found the staff to be very professional and considerate to your needs. You might want to take a book because it is boring sitting around waiting all the time. I also found walking circles around the ward helps burn off some of that excess energy. Just a thought, it has helped alot of people. Take Care!!~Joseph~
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