My friend Michael and I met when I was in 12th Grade and he was in 11th. We met in the cafeteria....he was wearing a Megadeth shirt and I started talking to him about the band and we hit it off. We wound up being in the same class together (sociology....room 202 which became our "code"...he would page me with 202 and vice versa) We were instant best friends.
He showed a lot more interest in me than I did in him...I mean I loved him with all my heart....but NOT the way he wanted. he was IN love with me and I didnt want to f up our friendship. I tried to walk away completly....it didnt work....we would fight VICIOUSLY....it was our way. Everyone knew us, knew that we were best of friends but would fight like cats and dogs. No matter what we ALWAYS knew we would have each other.
I feel guilty that he was in love with me...I feel like I shouldnt have been his friend, that maybe it misled him. I feel SO guilty for not being what he wanted.
The night he killed himself....he came to my apt....wanted to come in but we fought. (i had a friend over....male friend....michael did NOT like that) and he went home, called me, left a voicemail saying he loved me but couldnt deal with it anymore...called me selfish....said horrible things....and i didnt call back. He shot himself in his parents house right after that phone call. I cant even express how much pain I have over this.
Im sitting at work and Im just crying and writing adn feeling like the worst person in the world.
He showed a lot more interest in me than I did in him...I mean I loved him with all my heart....but NOT the way he wanted. he was IN love with me and I didnt want to f up our friendship. I tried to walk away completly....it didnt work....we would fight VICIOUSLY....it was our way. Everyone knew us, knew that we were best of friends but would fight like cats and dogs. No matter what we ALWAYS knew we would have each other.
I feel guilty that he was in love with me...I feel like I shouldnt have been his friend, that maybe it misled him. I feel SO guilty for not being what he wanted.
The night he killed himself....he came to my apt....wanted to come in but we fought. (i had a friend over....male friend....michael did NOT like that) and he went home, called me, left a voicemail saying he loved me but couldnt deal with it anymore...called me selfish....said horrible things....and i didnt call back. He shot himself in his parents house right after that phone call. I cant even express how much pain I have over this.
Im sitting at work and Im just crying and writing adn feeling like the worst person in the world.
