I'm in my 40s, alcoholic, sober 1.5 years. I'm a mom which makes my suicidal thoughts difficult. I want to die but I don't want to screw my kids up. I just don't fit in this world. I am poor, unable to work because of anxiety and depression, and I feel damaged beyond repair. I don't know what to do. I really don't want to die but living seems unbearable. I don't understand people who say life is a gift. To me it's been a great burden. My blood pressure has been really high lately, and even small things sets off my anger to the point my face turns red and my chest hurts. Maybe a heart attack will do me in. I'm broken.