Its strange how the dark changes how I feel. The anxiety I feel during the day is usually gone, but replaced with dark thoughts. My therapist says the day is worse for me because of trauma suffered during the day. Which is unusual. But I find myself sitting in a dark room, thinking of so many things. What might have been. What still may be. What will become of me. Pretty useless thinking actually, coz most of it I can't change, although I know change is possible for anyone at anytime, I don't seem to be able to quite get there. One step forward, two steps back. :lol: therapist says this is progress, I love that woman to bits but sometimes I think she is on another planet. Sometimes I wish I had someone beside me, even if they were sleeping. My house echos of emptiness. Barring the cat of course who is laying across my arms as I type. Thank God for my cat. But truth be told a person would be better. An IRL person, someone I could wake up and say "hey I'm having a hard time, could you hold me?" That isn't gonna happen, at least not in the foreseeable future. So what to do, ah I know write rambling posts on SF! Not really funny I guess. Just lonely and filled with thoughts tonight (actually morning). Sometimes I wish I could empty the thoughts out, like letting the air out of a tire. I'd be flat, but not full of dark things. Well if you've read this I thank you, I know it hasn't made much sense.