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midlife crises/nn

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Someone please help. This can't go on much longer. I can't take the pain. Where can I start without putting down 1000 words...???
Alone-morning noon and night, no exaggeration. Tons of "acquaitences, NO FRIENDS. Been going on for years. I figure besides my balding hair I am an average looking person, but not to anyone else. At least no one I find attractive. I say some of this because for once I would like to find someone with similar circumstances... looks, age, lifes surroundings, etc to talk to to find out how someone can survive this. It's hard for me to listen to advice from someone who has better circumstances than me. I want to talk to someone who can understand how much I hurt and how much I feel helpless and hopeless.
I finally have everything I need for a peacefull endless sleep (potent drugs, alcohol, and helium). I am still needing to tie up some loose ends like the paperwork. I never realized there is so much do :huh:
Point is yes I am scared. Especially now that I have everything I need. I think once I finish paperwork, if I have another "bad spell" this weekend, it will push me over the edge.
The pain of lonliness is just UNBARABLE !!!
What do I do. It effects me almost every moment know. Why work, I have know one to share anything with. Why go anywhere when not in work, I have no one to go with or to. I can't even eat now. Havent ate anything in almost 4 days. I am starting to lose all energy. Hence, falling asleep behind my desk at work every now and then. Only a matter of time before the possibility of loosing my job. Could turn out to be just what I need to push me over the edge.
No friends. No Life. Makes me feel ashamed for being alive. Now I am rambeling on. Guess I better go. I must admit. I am scared to die. But day by day this pain is getting the best of me. It's only a matter time before, well, the end.
Any useful thoughts. Please:huh:


Well-Known Member
I understand you, lostnlife, if not everything, most of the things you say apply to my case too. the feeling of beeing alone even in a crowd of people... losing interest in many things. the loneliness is not a fact, i feel lonely even when i am with many people, even if i know those people. You know why? I think because no one , ever, among those people can sympathize with me, i can talk for hour, but there is no one that could understand what's wrong with me. Because nobody really cares of other people just met. and yet, if someone would really care, just looking at me one could understand more than one hour talking. I don't know, like you, how to get past this situation. someone said that loneliness is like a magnifing lens, if you are happy and lonely, you are happier, if you are sad and lonely, you are more sad. God if it's true... you say you have no friends, maybe you don't know yet that some friends are hiding behind the people you know... a friend is not made from one day to another, it takes some time, give them a chance, maybe someone turn out to be a good friend, the one you are missing for too long.
let me know:wink:
I'm there...

Midlife, or almost, divorced. It's too quiet around here. Get home from work, flip on the tube, stay up too late. Repeat.

Was I happier in a miserable marriage? At least there was another person there who knew me, albeit hated me. Found somebody new, but she doesn't love me, at least not as much as I love her.

Friends are all married, kids, the works. I don't think I'd do anything, but wallowing in my own crapulance (Simpsons reference) is starting to drain.

Like Jack Nicholson said in the movie: "What if this is as good as it gets?" Sorry, I can't offer any solution, but you got company.
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Re: midlife crises / ROLLER COASTER feelings/ cry wolf???

I am so mixed up right now. Where to begin? It is so much easier to talk about things this time of day, but I am at work so it's not too cool. I get home and I am such a wreck I just lay on the couch in the dark untill 2 am. I turn into a vegeitable. I can't eat, sleep, or think straight.
I tried to go through with things, but I still have a few questions to be answered. Questions that I know no one will answer because they are the type that could help me finally complete my loose ends and leave this world.
So instead I am just a zombie trying to figure out how to exit as graciously as I can.
I saw someone make a remark about crying wolf. In a way I can see how some of these post (mine too) may seem that way. But I am just a very methodical (anal) planner. And I want to leave as clean a slate as possible.
Its kind of ironic, there are some people around me that can tell I am sad, etc. And they ask if they can help. But the more they ask, the more I realize I am beyond help or hope. I can not see anything anymore that can help my situation. I have given up on people accepting me for who I am. I use to think I was an avaerage ok guy. WHo should therefore be able to get the same type of people to accept him as a friend or more. But I get is a reaction that I am some hideous moster to laugh at. And yes there are other more solid tangible problems that I can not see any answers to.
So to al who read this... yes I DO consider myself cuicidal. Yes I am planning on leaving this world of my own free will. Yes I wish I could talk to someone about it. Yes I wish someone could give me some answers. Yes I feel beyond hope and help. No I am not crying wolf. No I am not doing this for attention. In fact I have shut myself off from the word, except for this little porthole.
Back to hiding behind my desk....:sad:
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