When you feel like crap all the time, or at least most of the time, because I do know what it feels like to feel good.. and I know what it feels like to feel about at bad and scared as you can. It's funny how sometimes a horrible nightmare can make you so scared. terror - beyond reason, unrealistically.. and then you wake up. But when you feel that terror and you know you're not asleep. It is beyond true description if you have not been there. Some people say suicide is selfish. In a way, of course, they're right. At some point, if nobody else can help relieve your pain and anguish, you have to think you're the only one left that can do it. Of course, the reason they say that is because of the people you'll hurt if you actually did it. But then... if they know that you're suffering through life *just* so they will not feel bad about you not being there - aren't they really being selfish? What a horrible world we live in. 7 billion people festering - out of which pretty much 7 billion could not care less if I was not here tomorrow. They (most of them, I know there are some caring people out there, like people on this site seem to be) pretty much already can't care less about the suffering, pain, torture, and various and sundry other atrocities that go on daily against so many people. wikipedia says that in 2010 over 38,000 people disliked their life enough to call and end to it. That's over 100 people a day. I think I go on in some small part, because there's hope that things will get better.. but after a few decades of that, it seems to ring a little hollow. I'm not she sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm not entirely clueless either, and it doesn't really take a genius to see that.. there isn't much left, and it's rather foolish at this point anyway. I've nothing left to give, nothing left to show. The end is near, or so they say.. maybe I'll stick around for a bit and see if they're right. I'm still not too clear on all the etiquette and protocol here so mods feel free to edit/move/delete my post or even come over to my house and end me, and I will thank you kindly. Course a hug might be nice too. Sincerely wishing everyone the best.