Might kill myself (sexual trigger)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sybon, Jan 1, 2008.

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  1. Sybon

    Sybon Member

    I really might need to. I mean I don't exactly want to but I think I need to.

    I've always been really depressed, I just wanted to have friends to talk to. Finally a girl came up to me began to be my friend, and eventually asked me out.

    Things were god and bad, she would over react a lot at little things. And she'd always make fun of me for being a virgin. Always, saying that I'd always be a virgin and that we'd never do it.

    Then tonight on new years we went to her friends house where there were no parents, she pulled me on top of her and started kissing me. Eventually she just got naked and told me to do it. I said no because we didn't have protection but she said come on just pull out before you finish. I didn't want to and it hurt very badly but she wanted me to, and I was too afraid to say no.

    And at the end my thing was wet, and she asked, "Oh my god did you just finish?" I didn't feel a thing. I really don't think I did, "Yup you just did." she said. Those two sentences made me think that I did. I wish I could go back and take it back. I went home and eventually finished myself, even though I wasn't in the mood I wanted to know if I still could or if I finished there, so I don't think I did there but I kept second guessing. I'm so scared. I'm only 16.

    But alas. If she is pregnent, I can't take care of it and my parents would be very mad. I will in fact do it if she is.
  2. lfdy

    lfdy Active Member

    you poor baby, what a rotton experience. but what is done is done. it is only when i got older that i realised how special being a virgin was. you sound so sweet. i know it is none of my business but if she was so keen to sleep with you then why didnt she have protection in place. i feel like she has taken advantage of you and stolen your precious virginity. you know, they say that you never forget your first. i just hope that this memory will be ok for you. if there is any chance she may be pregnant then she needs to get to her doctor immediately and get the morning after pill.

  3. It seems like she raped you. Consider reporting it to the police.
  4. Sybon

    Sybon Member

    I told her to take the morning after pill and she gets pretty mad when I bring it up. Then she said it feels like she raped me.

    I really regret it. But in the past i've been very sociopathic. I didn't feel much, and every night I would get very scared about the next day because I was beyond petrified of school. So to calm down I had to have violent images flood my head, to try to tell myself I wasn't the only one in pain I guess. I was just so desperate for human contact. And now that I finally got it I just couldn't say no I was afraid I was going to lose her as a friend.

  5. I think that she is taking advantage of you. Also, beware of girls who try to lure boys into getting them pregnant. Remember the girl who I introduced to you, Sybon? She was like that too. She only wanted a kid, it seems.
  6. lfdy

    lfdy Active Member

    you know sybon, i wanted to say exactly what bp did, it does sound like she raped you, and that is so wrong, so so wrong. are you ok.
  7. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    perhaps before you guys start throwing terms around, you let him decide it for himself.

    Thats really harsh mate.. im sorry you've had to go through something like this. Right now all I can say is, try not to let possibilities over run your mind. Try and let yourself cool down, and take one thing at a time.

    When you feel like talking about it, we're here to listen and help you sift through it. Look after yourself, it's a bump in the road, but you can make it through this.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2008
  8. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    I agree with BP. Rape is real and nothing to be minimized. You said NO and just because you acquiesced makes the act no less illegal. Now, she or may not get pregnant--but if she does, check the laws in your locality. I am in the United States and I just can't see you being held responsible for the care of a baby conceived out of coercion.

    Dude for the love of god it ain't worth killing yourself over. This is FAR more her problem than yours. Relax.

    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2008
  9. lfdy

    lfdy Active Member

    hey blake, in regards to throwing terms around:
    incase you didnt read it properly this is what HE said:

    'Eventually she just got naked and told me to do it. I said no because we didn't have protection but she said come on just pull out before you finish. I didn't want to and it hurt very badly but she wanted me to, and I was too afraid to say no.'

    the words he uses are:

    'told me to do it'
    'i didn't want to'
    'it hurt very badly'
    'too afraid to say no'

    no means no and rape is rape. if you have never been raped before then i suggest you dont comment on someone elses pain and life.

    sorry if this sounds harsh, i know you mean well but i get so pissed off when people do this.
  10. brokensoul98

    brokensoul98 Well-Known Member

    its a first, and does sound forced. kill yourself over it? certainly not. get ck'd out for std's ? yes. definitly. morning after pill? yes. if she doesn't want it, her choice. it was her choice in the first place.
  11. Sybon

    Sybon Member

    I don't want to get her in trouble either, I mean I havn't really had a friend in so long and she came up to me and started being my friend and everything. She's so nice to me usually on occasions he has a bad tempter and is mean to me but it's worth it to have a friend.

    My dad would be so dissapointed and mad at me I can't tell him. If I feel anything I'll get checked out. But it only lasted like 5 minutes so I really hope she's not. You're right I shouldn't worry about it until it actually happeneds.

    And I guess I'm okay for now. I posted it right after it happened and I was very scared and desperate. Thanks for the support guys
  12. lfdy

    lfdy Active Member

    sybon, you sound so vulnerable at the minute. you are too precious to let people push you around. i can hear how desperate you want her to be your friend etc but if she is mean to you now then please hear the alarm bells ringing. walk away. you need to be good to yourself and look after yourself. i understand how hard it is to find friends and feel accepted and worthwhile and how good it feels to have someone show an interest in you. but please, this just doesnt sound like a healthy relationship for you. you need to demand respect or people will just walk all over you. and as you get older you will gain the confidence to stand up for yourself. i am glad you posted straight away. sometimes when we dont deal with things immediately we tend to try and repress them with other vices, but they will always find a way of resurfacing and coming back to haunt us. you did the right thing by talking about it and bringing it out in the open. that takes guts. i hope you can find comfort and peace and know that we are all thinking about you. take care. you are not alone.
  13. brokensoul98

    brokensoul98 Well-Known Member

    some std's your not going to feel...she doesn't sound like a very good friend to have. explore more friendships. you sound like a nice guy. find someone interested in the same kinds of stuff you like. your young yet, you have plenty of time for girls. you said you weren't ready for that sort of relationship yet, and alot of girls out there aren't either. also....you can get ck'd out at annomous clinics for std's so your family won't know...good luck
  14. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Sybon, try to remember you matter and not to place others well being before your own. You and your feelings are so important, no matter what.

    Yeah it's a good point, if you can, get yourself checked for stds just to be safe.

    again, thats for him to decide, not for you. We're here to help, not to define. Im not debateing this with you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2008
  15. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    I don't understand whats so special about being a virgin. All I get is ridicule.

    To the OP:

    Don't go overboard, make her take a morning after pill or something. You might wanna talk to her or something to see what she really wants. If its a baby then you might wanna let her know that you ain't ready for that.
  16. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Hi Blake. I too am a guy (who's never been molested or raped). But gosh, oooh I stand with lfdy here. Sometimes helping is defining. The OP is too vulnerable and lonely in life for us not to try to guide; to define.

    jmho, ok?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2008
  17. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    ..ok this is my point.

    I disagree. We only know fragments and summaries of what happened. We can ask him and help him understand what happened, but telling him what happened? If you think something happened, why not talk with him more and help him to reach such a conclusion. Better yet, why don't you ask him if you are so sure.

    I don't know what happened, you don't know what happened. Only he does, so really, he has to say that, not you or me. Just because you think it doesnt mean you should state it. Help him see it for what it was, yeah most definatly. And im not saying it wasnt rape

    shitty situation.. but i believe we have to respect communication for the aspect of it that we have
  18. Sybon, in my opinion, it is very important for you to report this incident as rape. If you don't report it as rape, and if she gets pregnant should she decide to give birth to the baby, you will be responsible for the baby. Plus, there are the moral implications involved in this.
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2008
  19. Sybon

    Sybon Member

    no she's pretty popular at school if I did everyone at school would hate me. If she gets pregnant I'll just kill myself. I won't have to deal with anything and I won't be sad anymore. I mean this ist he worst case scenario. She's probably not and I probably won't but if she is I'll have to slit my throat which. Mind you that knives scare me very much and it will probably be very painful. But it will not be as painful of having my dad so dissapointed in me.
  20. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    No. Blake. He's a child who doesn't know what happened or where to turn. So he turned here, and we are guiding him.

    We're not debating though, right?
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