Hello, everyone. If you're reading this, it's either because you are going to try and cheer the world up with a few paragraphs about how there is so much more to life than depression and anger and how no one should kill themselves, or you're about to pull that trigger too and being the curious creatures that humans are, you wanted to see how someone else would go about doing what you are trying to do. Regardless of which you are, I'm telling you now that I don't want to read any jolly story of how awesome life is. I do not care. I don't want anyone pretending they care about a stranger through a computer screen. It's stupid. First off, you do not know me. I could be a child-molesting serial killer for all you know. Yet there are still some who insist they must provide reason to live to someone they do not know. Now that we're past that, let's get on to the part where you read my pitiful story, shrug, and move on to the next. So, as previously stated, I am 17 years old. I'm white, male, 5'11", blue eyes, and ready to end it. I was born and raised in New Hampshire (USA) and still here, of course. Just like the rest of you, I'm heavily depressed. And Bi-Polar. And Paranoid Schizophrenic. With that being said, I was practically born with intent to die. I started having my first suicidal thoughts at the age of 5. Why? I don't really know. I pretty much have just never wanted to live. It's fairly simple. It's not like I was loving life, something happened, and now I want to die. I simply have never wanted to live. I didn't ask to be born. Am I ungrateful for the life that has been given to me? Hell yes. I won't deny it. I don't give a flying fuck about death. I welcome it. It's the last thing I'd ever even imagine fearing. I practically beg for it. The only thing that has ever stopped me from ending it already was the question of what comes next. I do not believe in any god. I do not need to place faith in false idols to get by with my existence. I know for a fact there is an afterlife. Scientifically speaking, "nothing" doesn't exist. It is impossible. A consciousness can not simply cease to exist. It goes against the laws of nature. Therefore something is definitely after this. I just don't know what. My fear is that I'll become a fucking barnacle or something. Like how do I kill myself when I'm a barnacle? I don't. I have to just sit there for my whole existence and wait to die. Can't even go anywhere. Don't even have a damn brain. That just doesn't sound alright to me. So I guess my question to you guys is this: The hell should I do? I want to die but don't want to come back as an ant. That sucks.