Migraines and Madness

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by GoldenRoses, Oct 10, 2015.

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  1. GoldenRoses

    GoldenRoses Active Member

    Hi,

    I'll be completely honest, I never thought, in a million years I would be here. I've always been the person that other people lean on, with my unfaltering positive personality... or at least that's what my outward appearance looks like. On the inside, I'm terrified to admit that I may be slowly crumbling.

    I've suffered from severe migraines for as long as I can remember. I think I've tried absolutely every trick in the book, every medication with almost as bad side effects, but they just won't go away. This year has been horrendous for me, and for the past 3 or so months (it's been so long, I've just stopped counting), there has not been one day where I can't woken up with an aching pain in my head. You would think that, having dealt with this for so long, I would be able to persevere through it. I admit I thought the same thing. But some days, it's nearly impossible to function.

    I am unbelievably frustrated with how I just can't enjoy any of the activities I used to love. I've always been a straight A student (seriously, I've never gotten a B on any report card), but now I'm faced with Cs and Ds in every class, because I just can't keep up, especially with all the school I've missed due to these migraines. I've always set high standards for myself because I know I can do it, so it's so hard for me to not be in control of my life anymore!

    It seems like there's nothing I can do. I don't often complain to other people, because I see no point in it. Why put my burdens on someone else, when they can't do anything about it?? No one understands what it's like, always being in such pain. All they can do is nod their head or say sorry. I've stopped telling my parents as well, since I know it causes them so much stress. As much as they would like it, they don't have fairy dust either.

    So, I've kept all my emotions contained inside for years. People say this is a terrible thing to do, but I always feel so much worse after I tell someone how I'm feeling! I don't want them to worry about me, I'm sure they have their own issues! It seems like every time I speak, things get worse for everyone.

    Then why did I post here? Because I'm stuck at the bottom of a pit, and have no idea what else to do. As I mentioned before, I've always been such a strong, independent person. A year ago, I would have never imagined I'd be thinking about pulling the plug. But I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I just suck it up like I used to?

    I just feel so alone, my headaches are slowly eating me away. No one else sees the pain, because I'm always so conscious about making everyone else happy. I don't want to be a burden or upset people, but I also can't keep living my life like this. Maybe it would be better if I wasn't here, because then no one would have to waste their time and energy on me. But I guess the fact that I'm even posting here means that that's truly not what I want. What I really want, is for the migraines to go away so that I can get my life back together. But who knows if that will ever happen, so I'll just have to somehow find the strength to get out of bed in the mornings.

    Even if I get no responses, I guess I just needed to finally share my feelings with someone, since I can't do it anywhere else in "real life". Thanks for listening.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2015
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    ,,,Golden Roses Someone is listening, you have been heard, I don't believe that anyone will turn away from you in here, you will not be judged you are in a safe place as well, You are not alone, I suffered from them since I was in the forth grade, It was thought i was making them up for a long time, so I believe you I have heard what you said I will help validate your statement! I believe you! I am not wasting time I am here to talk to you, i was waiting for you to get here! I have to restart so I will be right back, I am not leaving you!
     
  3. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I am going to say that,here we don't want you to bottle yourself up, I am going to ask if you have seen a Dr lately, I believe that you should, If what you described happened to me I would not hesitate, you might not be having migraines from what you are saying, I am not trying to alarm you but I think it should be seriously considered. I have not had as many as I use to have but I do have them on occasion, they have to put me out with Demerol, I have had to have 2 Shots of it on several occasions 1 did not put me out, They gave me Demerol with Phenergren it put me out for 4 hrs, I generally wake then, I have to be taken home to finish sleeping it off! please if you have not already try an see a Dr at least eliminate something else. I empathize with you, I imagine how you feel i have had my share, I hope that you will never feel alone in here, you can almost always find someone to respond to you, we also have a game room and a chat room, there are mods here but there are a lot of other people that will be ready to share what they do in their cases or to just talk so that you are not alone! I am sure that someone will be getting in touch with you soon as a new member here, Golden you are right to be here that is this Forums reason for existing, to help people like you and I when we are faced with issues or problems that overwhelm us, I have been in your shoes, I know what you are dealing with is not easy, please give us the chance to help you, I hope you take the other option off of the table at least for now, give yourself a little time too, I know where you are and at least some of what you are feeling! Take care of yourself, look through the forums an try talking to someone in here, don't be afraid to share what you are dealing with Please! Reach out if necessary even if it's just to talk! I hope that you are feeling at least a little better, never ever feel that you are a burden here please! I Relax, You have to please! take care now1
     
  4. GoldenRoses

    GoldenRoses Active Member

    Wow, thank you so much. I was not expecting such a quick and meaningful response. You are amazing.


    Trust me, I've had more than my fair share of doctors! I actually was in the hospital for a week not too long ago, though it turned out to be one of the worst experiences I've ever had. I was strongly against going from the beginning, as I hate the whole hospital environment, but my Mom was dead set on having me go , so I really had no choice. I tried so many different medications and "natural remedies" (even acupuncture, which I swore I would NEVER do!), but still got no relief. CT scans and blood tests show nothing abnormal. I've tried changing diets too, or eliminating possible triggers like caffeine. Still nothing. What's even more puzzling, is my headaches are completely unique. They don't follow the patterns of a typical migraine or tension headache, since mine are only located at the front of my head. The only meds that have ever helped are anti inflammatory medications... though after a couple uses those seem to "wear off", and don't provide relief anymore. And since they happen every single day as soon as I wake up, it's so difficult to pinpoint a trigger. Maybe I'm allergic to oxygen or something!!

    I wish I could relax, but life doesn't wait for you if you have to take sick days.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there and welcome to the forum, for such a young person damn you are smart and have your wits about you. You know what you want and you will get there. What sort of doctors have you seen for these migraines? I replied here because I can relate, I had severe stomach pain for a long time until I was diagnosed and I felt no one understood that I was in so much pain nor cared. Please do keep talking to us here because we do care and understand. Do you have many friends in school? Do you like school? Keep talking to us hun. You deserve to feel better :)
     
  6. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I am sorry Golden, I didn't mean to imply that you were not checking different remedies out, like you, I don't care for Dr. and Hospitals especially, some people seem to only try one option and when that doesn't work they give up! for a long time my parents thought I was faking, my mother was very diligent on our care as children and had a hard time reconciling what the Dr was saying an my tears and anguish.,It was in high school that it finally came down to having to do something, I went to Faulkner Hospital in Boston an they treated me to a week of tests and study, they could not find the cause but they came to the conclusion I was having migraines and we went through 3 years of treatment trial and failures before, they came up with something that worked. it was a long hard process for me, Today for me I do not have them often but The Demerol works I have Cluster Migraines once I break the chain, they stop, I am not saying that it would be right for you, I had to go through sensory deprivation before they discovered what was happening inside my head! I had no light, no sound not even vibration to stimulate me. I heard, saw or felt nothing! that I did find disturbing but it seemed to open things up for the Docs. I have to apologize, I was not trying to be casual with my suggestion that you relax, when I came in here the first time I was wound up so tight, I thought I was going to snap like a rubber band, I almost always try to have the people that I talk with to take a deep breath and try to slow their thought or thinking processes down, I do understand what it is like so I would never be casual with your pain or feelings, I hope that you can get to the root of your problem, I sincerely do care, I hope you can have it resolved as soon as possible! Thank You for your understanding and patience! I do wish you the best!
     
  7. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Oh, I ache for you Golden. I have history of migraines too. Nothing seemed to help. I would go for months on end when I would wake of the middle of the night with one. Almost everyday. I hated going to bed at night. I tried everything. Even bio-feedback. I hardly ever get them anymore. It seems to have been something I just needed to grow out of. Although there were times when I certainly wondered if I would live through the experience, or even if I wanted to live through. If I feel one starting these days, I find a cold compress helps, but only if I catch it the minute the headache starts. Mine too, were always in the front of my head, over my left eye. I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best.
     
  8. GoldenRoses

    GoldenRoses Active Member

    I can't thank you all enough for all enough for the support. I've never actually talked to anyone with similar issues before, so it truly means a lot to know that this is something we can get through. :)


    True-Lee, I'm sorry if it seemed like I was directing upset towards you -- that wasn't my intention! I was frustrated about the whole situation, and I guess I kind of snapped. I really appreciate your help thus far, and I hope we can continue to talk! That's crazy that it took so long to find something that finally gave you relief, but at least it's reassurance that things can, and does get better. :)

    Petal, I'm often told I have an old soul. ;) I love school, I always have! I've got lots of friends too, from a huge range of personality types. It's just been difficult for me to keep up lately, I guess, since I don't even get home until 6pm, and have to wake up at 5:30 the next morning. It gets overwhelming to have to squeeze everything in.

    As for treatment, I feel like I've tried everything. After my pediatrician realized this was something she couldn't handle, I was referred to a neurologist. That wasn't much help. Recently I started going to one of the biggest headache clinics in the country -- they're who recommended the stay at the hospital after I had a couple visits with no relief. I did biofeedback at the hospital, to no avail. I've tried dozens upon dozens of medications. Muscle relaxants, anti depressants, antihistamines, vassal constrictors, triptans, a steroid or two... you name it, I've probably had it. Ibuprofen and Excedrine for migraine used to help, but I think they ended up just causing rebound headaches. I was recently prescribed Torodol, but after about 3 times of it working, it's just as useless as the others.

    I recently started seeing a therapist/counselor who I think is nice, but isn't really helping much. As I mentioned before, I was never really that stressed until AFTER I had left the hospital and was bombarded with school work. At this point I'm willing to try anything though.

    Thank you for talking the time to share your story too, SillyOldBear. I sure hope its something I grow out of as well! I want to believe that I'm strong enough to fight through this, but it's a lot easier to say, than to actually do... :/
     
  9. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Golden, I am fine, I was so concerned about you, I have enought experience that I knew you were frustrated and not at me but it never hurts to be extra kind, I think you needed it! If you were mad or upset with me, I would and could deal with that as well, I would deal with it probably the same way!
    I am guessing that you have school in the morning so I will let you get to bed! I appreciate your thanks, keep talking in here if you would but make sure we do not interfere with your school work!, I will not get into mine here or now! Take care of Yourself First! You are a special person, it is a pleasure working with you!
     
  10. GoldenRoses

    GoldenRoses Active Member

    No school tomorrow for me actually, so I've used the weekend to catch up quite a bit! And also take some time to revive forgotten hobbies -- I never realized how much I've missed playing the piano. :) I tend to work better in the evenings anyway, since the headaches are always worse right in the morning. No need to worry about keeping me up! ;)
     
  11. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    LOL Golden, well it is nice that you do have some time for yourself, you have a holiday? , It is Columbus Day weekend I use to go to The Sandwich Fair in NH every year, now, Shrugs I forgot it was this weekend! Have A hopefully nice day tomorrow! Take Care of Yourself! please!
     
  12. GoldenRoses

    GoldenRoses Active Member

    Yes, school is off for Columbus Day. :) We don't do much to celebrate it, but hey, a day off of school is a day off of school!! :p
     
  13. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I hear that, I would have the day off, but i don't work!:( lol

    Good For You! I wish I was back in School again, sighhhhs
     
  14. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, GoldenRoses. I'm sorry you get migraines. I've had them since my middle teens.

    Migraines are mean and can be disruptive. I started getting them when I was about 17. I had lots of potential triggers or factors that made the migraines worse. My menstrual cycle and hormonal changes and the birth control pill were always culprits. But there were others that triggered a migraine or made the menstrual migraine worse. Usual additional factors/triggers included at least some of the following alone or in combination: cheese; chocolate; most alcohol (even small amounts) and especially beer and red wine; some nuts; peanut butter; MSG (monosodium glutamate aka yeast extract); lack of sleep; too much sleep; motion sickness and altitude sickness - including rides at the fair; catching a head cold; bright lights (glinting car windows, slick streets at night, sunlight); cigarette smoke; unpleasant odours; some perfumes; certain vibrations and loud noises that hurt my ears; long airplane flights; low blood sugar/not eating when I should; and "rebound headaches".

    The one trigger that many people have trouble understanding is that last one - "rebound headaches." Rebound headaches seem to be caused by taking meds for a few days for an initial migraine, then stopping the meds, but getting an even worse headache soon after - a rebound headache. A headache's return would make me try a painkiller again. It's understandable. If I have a bad migraine, I just want the pain to stop. I unfortunately started taking a painkiller at any sign of any headache. Sometimes, doing that can cause rebound headaches. My body got used to taking a painkiller, and after a while, it would tell me, "Hey it's not working as well. Take another one." And I'd keep taking a pill as the last one wore off - after all, who wants to feel a migraine? Eventually, the headache would ease up but return when the meds wore out of my system, or the pills just didn't take the pain away, and the migraine expanded and became nastier than ever. That is a rebound migraine. It can become a cycle where a first migraine leads into a "rebound migraine" leads into another rebound migraine, leads into another rebound migraine...and so on...until we could be left with a chronic daily headache that painkillers don't seem to help much.

    I had to stop all the painkillers and get them out of my system completely. It took about 14 days. I had some nasty headaches over the two weeks, but I survived. I did it with the knowledge and input of my doctor before I tried it. Maybe this "rebound headache" is something you and your doctors could talk about if you haven't already. Just an idea. I know how crummy it is to have life revolve around whether or not our head is aching.

    Good alternatives to pain medication can include ice packs, cold cloths, warm cloths, the best pillows you can afford, if you get nausea, ask the doctor about motion sickness pills and drink ginger ale and eat soda crackers. When the headache is in full swing, lie down in a dark room and sleep if you can. Relaxation techniques can be helpful. If your head is aching, pushing on doesn't help but can intensify the pain - so go lie down.

    I wish you luck. I'm hopefully into the part of life without huge hormonal changes now (I'm 57). Things have settled a lot. The bad headaches have become few and far between. I wish that for you. Be safe, take care. If you can, talk to your doctor about how much these headaches are disrupting your day-to-day life. :)
     
  15. GoldenRoses

    GoldenRoses Active Member

    Thank you so much for talking the time to respond, Acy. I really wasn't expecting to find so many migraine sufferers on here! It's assuring to know that I'm not alone in this battle.

    Rebound headaches were definitely an issue for me. There was a point where I was continuously taking 2 ibuprofen pills, 5-6 times per week for about a prolonged period of time. However, I did eventually stop all painkillers for about 2 months. Headache was still there. :(

    It's almost insane what can cause the headache to spike. Almost everything you've mentioned on your list, plus things I can't control like barometric pressure. I'm starting to think it might have more to do with diet than I originally thought though, since when I seem to feel full, it's almost like a pressure builds in the front of my head. Really strange.
    When I have a bad migraine, all I really want to do is just lie down in a cool, dark room. But I can't, because the earth doesn't stop spinning so that you can have a sick day. It's like a vicious cycle -- if I miss school/practice, I stress about having to make up the work. This surely can't be good for the headache, so it comes back stronger the next day. If I do go to school, I can hardly concentrate, so that's counterproductive on its own. It's so frustrating that I can't seem to get anything done, and sometimes I feel that I'm wasting my life, stuck in my room. :/​
     
  16. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    GoldenRoses, maybe a planned week of not having to do much of anything? Time to sleep, eat, relax, exercise - without other things pulling at you. With school or work that can be hard to arrange - a week where you can "not be there." On the other hand, a week of being there with a nasty head, no concentration, and loads of frustration and feeling like hell is hardly good either. I used to fight on when I had a migraine. It took me years to learn to stop, go to bed, let the migraine run its course, sleep a bit after and then slowly rejoin the "land of the living." Pushing on with a migraine almost always made the pain more intense, resulted in severe nausea and vomiting, took almost a day extra to get over the headache, and left me with a dull nasty "after-migraine headache and drained feeling." Far better to say, "Yup. Damn. TIme to lie down right now, so it's gone sooner." Again, that's just an idea, but it did help in my case.

    Ah, yes. Barometric pressure - I forgot about that one. It used to wreak havoc especially in summer with humidity and heat and storms. Being aware of my other triggers helped me not pile too many in if the weather was bringing a big change in pressure. Salt in food is another one I forgot, too. And nitrates/nitrites (??) in preserved meats. I think salt has more to do with raising my blood pressure and starting a headache that becomes migrainous. I know I should avoid salt.

    Maybe you are someone who needs to eat small healthy snacks during the day so at meals you don't eat a lot and feel too "full"? Snacks like carrots, apples, whole grain crackers are healthy, filling enough without stuffing, and generally low calorie.

    If your triggers are the foods you eat, perhaps keep a log of what you eat and what can be associated with getting a headache. Then, if you get rid of things that seem to be triggers, you could try them one by one again, and if you get a headache, you know to avoid that one from now on.

    I really love having my ice packs...zipper baggies of ice and a bit of water wrapped in a damp facecloth, resting right on the spot that hurts. (I found putting a towel over the pillows sopped up the drips from ice packs.) There are also flexi ice packs at pharmacies - different sizes, shapes - they're filled with a special mushy gel that chills but doesn't quite freeze solid. I keep those in the freezer so they're ready when I need them. They "mold" to the spot that hurts better than a baggie of ice. Expensive though.

    Feel better. Most people I have known with migraines have found they eventually settle. I'm hoping that happens soon for you! (((gentle hugs)))
     
  17. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Golden, I was just thinking about you, Don't feel you have to reply, especially if you are doing or thinking about something else,
    I was just going to say, I Really Do Hope that you can have a nice day! Take care of yourself try to not do to much of anything like Acey suggests! Be Good to yourself If You Can!
     
  18. ToLaughAgainSomeDay

    ToLaughAgainSomeDay SF Supporter

    Hi, Golden

    Personally I have not suffered from migraines, but I have a good friend that does. Like you, she has been through the gauntlet of doctors and crazy treatments. Most recently they have been trying Botox injections. It seems to help her for the time being. I'm not sure if your age would disqualify you from this treatment or if you might have already tried it. If she lets me know of anything that may seem like a more permanent fix, I will do my best to let you know!

    I hope your day goes wonderfully and I hope you can find a solution soon.
     
  19. GoldenRoses

    GoldenRoses Active Member

    I'm not doing very well today. My head isn't the worst it's been, but I've just been so stressed out about everything I need to get done. You would think that as time went on, things would get easier, but they haven't for me. I so wish I could have a week, or even just a couple days with nothing to do, so I can catch up on everything. But all of this excess stress was originally caused from missing a week of school at the hospital!

    I just can't seem to get caught up, because for every assignment I finish, we're assigned two new ones. I can't stand to keep seeing my grades at rock bottom. Oh, and did I mention I've also made a commitment to the speech, drama, and debate teams? Don't get me wrong, I love these activities, but they do take up a lot of time. Plus I have to take care of my animals on a daily basis, and make sure I still have time to get enough sleep. There just aren't enough hours in the day.

    I'm also really frustrated at the fact that I can go from completely happy and content, to having a complete breakdown in a matter of minutes. I try to snap myself out of it, but I just can't. I'm afraid I'm just going to fall deeper into this pit, no matter how hard I try to climb out. :(
     
  20. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Golden, I am so sorry, I did not know that you had animals too! in addition to everything else, I guess you are an overachiever, or is that just keeping busy, I bet that you are a good debater along with everything else you do!, I won't even attempt to try and persuade you to drop some of the things that you do, as I understand you that you seem to be away from home 12 hrs a day with school and traveling? This is with Migraine headaches? Golden you should realize at some point something has to give? I understand your frustration as well, most days can go like not great and OK to crying jags and anger at myself for continuing on this path that I have taken. Some time you have to give yourself a break, or you are going to break! I am here and there are others as well to talk an offer assistance or just a kind word! We are here for YOU!
     
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