Mind over matter...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by titanic, Jul 26, 2008.

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  1. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Isn't it funny...

    I squerm over digging a measely splinter out of my thumb...
    yet I self harm and don't feel a thing! :blink:

    When your in a state of despair you don't seem to feel what is happening to your body and quite frankly you don't care at the time either.

    I had a splinter (actually a thorn) stuck in my thumb for about a week and tried several times to get it out. I got to the stage yesterday when I thought, RIGHT, this has to come OUT. It was getting infected...

    I focused on someone special and hey presto, I was able to dig deep and pull it out.

    Its very interesting the two states of mind...

    Last week when I cut my thighs I was despairing and extremely frustrated. I think for me, the emotions all well up at once and I feel like I am going to explode, because I cannot express myself or I do not feel I am being heard or understood, or I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall. That turns to self hate and a severe frustration with myself, and I cut myself with fury and hatred.

    I am SOOO much better the last year though, I am better able to express myself and I self harm rarely these days. But then I don't give myself enough credit I don't think! I am dealing with some very difficult situations and life circumstances at the moment and lets face it WORDS and other people's emotions can bloody HURT too.

    I believe that self harm is a very 'immediate' response to severe emotional pain. Which is why it can become very difficult to pick up the phone or tell someone about what you are about to do or how you feel. Its like you want an 'immediate' fix because it becomes an emergency situation. I think the art is knowing / predicting the signals that lead you down that route of no other way out than to self harm, and attempting to dispell emotions as they arise rather than burrying them deeper and letteing it all build up.

    What do other people here on this forum think? How do emotions and self harm impact on you?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2008
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I don't self harm but I definitely undertstand this. About you don't care what is happening to your body in time of despair. Or when I am in despair its just numbness no pain or pleasure.
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    beautifully written, and so true for me. i have 'early warning' signs .... like an ache in my chest, and a blizzard in my head. that's my signal that i have to work on something, talk to my counsellor, call the hotline. if i don't i have a few days before i swing into feeling very, very suicidal. the same with cutting. i build up to it. i am learning how to better recognize my feelings before i am overwhelmed by them.
  4. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I totally agree there. When I wanted to cut, I would just do it. I didn't want anyone to know or to help me.

    Oh, and good to hear that you are doing ok :hug:
  5. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    overload of emotions
  6. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Thanx sweet - tis been a while since I've posted. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing :blink:
  7. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    That's brilliant - keep on that learning curve sweet
  8. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Yes i'm the same. And i can't watch scenes with blood on screen yet when i cut im absorbed by the blood. It's strange, but i guess we just get absorbed in the moment.
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