I can't keep pretending things are okay between him and I. Quite honestly they are far from it. I care about him so much, but the truth is I don't see myself with him forever. I've tried making a clean break from him, but it's all too convenient that his father has gone back into the hospital the night I try to break up. How odd is that?? I just don't buy it and that's awful of me because if he is in the hospital I feel like the world's biggest asshole. It's hard to feel anything towards him because he makes me feel like I have to choose between my family and him. He doesn't understand that he'll lose every single time. There's no way in hell that I'd choose any guy over my nephew. I've raised Dylan since he was 1. Like I'd ever ever choose over him. People don't get that I've been his "mother" figure his whole life. They say they understand but when they see how strong the bond is they run. It's pathetic really. If you don't want to be a part of my life then don't. Stop pretending you understand because you have no idea. It's sad. I've invested 5 months of my time into this man and now I feel little to nothing. I mean I still care about him, but sexually/intimately it's gone. It hasn't been there for a long time honestly. It's just...how can I make a clean break when he keeps telling me that he wants to see me. I don't have the energy to explain that I can't keep doing this. It will slowly kill me. I can't see him tonight. I simply can't because I know what he'll try and I"m not having it. Not anymore.