Minutiae

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Jun 12, 2014.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Excuse me and all of that but it's all bullshit. All of it. Family who say and do things that hurt. People who disappear from your life for no apparent reason. Those who take advantage, and yes, of course I let them. Idiot. Triggering physical tests where I'm obviously in much stress but they don't stop which makes it worse and I can't physically talk or say stop or anything. And it's just like I'm back there. Then. A complete repeat, again. Much pain but I feel so stupid. Majority of the pain is my own fault it turns out. But that's a bigger issue, always has been and I can't go there. So I now feel like a hypochondriac. And alone. How do I explain what has gone on the last couple of weeks? How will I get through the next few? I have to do that alone, no choice. How am I going to do that? How? Fallen behind in work again and it's overwhelming. Everything is. And I don't know what to do, to run or hide or escape or whatever.
     
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Hello, I know I haven’t talked to you before, but I have read your posts on occasions. It sounds like everything is overwhelming you talk of friends, family and work being hard. I am sorry it is like this truly, I know how you feel I am behind on my work, and it terrifies me, but people do understand.

    Talk to those around you, write down everything you need to do and what all the problems are then tick them off one at a time, and yes I know it is hard but you can do it, and hopefully that can get you through the next days. It can feel overwhelming I understand that, and I think well that is why I always take it one thing at a time, I call it baby steps then I don’t feel so overwhelmed and exhausted by it all.

    I am sorry you feel like this, and hope things improve soon.

    Take care

    Rich
     
  3. mandy

    mandy Well-Known Member

    Firstly, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. And yes, actually it is bullshit. People who hurt you and betray you and the trials of life , it's bullshit. But it's bullshit we have to go through to get to the good stuff, and in the end we learn lessons from it. I sound totally cliche but it's true. I am sorry about the triggering physical stuff and I don't know enough about your situation to comment on that. But the falling behind on work stuff, that is totally fixable. That's a positive, it's not like it is just ruined or anything, you just have to catch up. I know you can do that and it's not the end of the world that you are behind right now. You have to be okay before you focus on work, and right now you need to help yourself. Do you have a therapist? They help I promise. But you need to fix the problems in your life before work, because you are helping anybody if you are not well. So I hope you find help and get well again :) *hugs*
     
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    believe me, you are not the only one going through this.
     
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you very much for responding Perfect Melancholy, mandy, sudut. :grouphug:

    I do know very well I'm not the only one with issues and dealing with stuff. And I hesitate to post anymore, I've said enough over and over and over.

    Take care.
     
  6. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Hello again, of course yes everyone has their own issues, it doesn’t make yours any less important they are unique to you and causing you to hurt. So please don’t stop venting or saying how you feel. I have always believed it is better to vent them out, then keep them bottled up , and I know it hurts when people disappear from your life for no reason it does seem a sad reality of life I try and cherish the moments they are in it.
     
  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Mo - please do not stop posting, it's helpful to get it out there......... I'd so encourage you to commit everything to paper in list form, priority at the top - to look after yourself in every respect and to seek out ways this can be done best i.e don't take peoples' silly remarks seriously (they say more about them than about you) - if people disappear out of your life and it doesn't bother them, they weren't going to be worth your investing in and the better for you that you found this out sooner rather than later.....

    in fact, whatever is troubling you - write it down on your list and learn how to find a truth-coach that you can dwell on which will give you a new perspective...... and, for that you may need to post some more to help you find them :)

    I have to do this every day, because of memories that rise up to try and trouble me - but we can gain good solid ground in winning the battle over them, I promise - where there is the will, there is a way, promise :)
     
  8. mandy

    mandy Well-Known Member

    I agree with the previous posts, do not ever stop posting. And no matter how many people are suffering through similar things , your problems are just as valid and you deserve help and support no matter what.
     
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Today I feel broken. Not sure what to do.
     
  10. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    What did happen over the last few weeks, Mo?
    :hugtackle:
     
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Windle.... Thank you, good to see you. Some medical stuff, family stuff and work stuff. A lot of "stuffs" resulting in high anxiety and stress and things. :hug:
     
  12. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    So I'm back in this awfully difficult place emotionally. Around this family member who is very forthright in their thinking and how I should be doing things and how I am doing other things wrong and how it'd be better for me to do this and that and scolding me for taking a nap and it just goes on and on. Nothing like feeling like a piece of shite altogether. Having difficulty controlling anxiety levels and therefore staying present. There's no magic answer, I know. I am trying to do the best I can and this current situation will be done with shortly. But there's another family member joining the mix for a few days and I know how icky the dynamics will be then. I realize this is a short term thing but it's proving to be very difficult for me to deal with. The escape mechanisms I'm using aren't working too well. I wish I could be stronger to deal with this and these people and this overall situation. But I'm not. And it all makes me want to run. Again.
     
  13. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I hate when I post and no one responds. I understand, logically. But I hate it.

    It helps to reinforce the negative thoughts and feelings. It helps to validate all the crap.

    It helps in facing the reality of my situation. I had said when my one passed that I too would go. I hung on, now for over two years. I put a new time of when something else was done with. Now that thing is nearly done and obviously I have not done anything right to change what is wrong.

    I can't bring back those who have died. I can't live this way or exist this way. I have me and just me. And that me right now isn't feeling strong or useful and similar. But maybe that's the way it's meant to be. Maybe it is. And perhaps I've been trying something the universe has already decided for me.

    And right now, who cares... Right? Who fucking cares.
     
  14. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Sometimes we have just ourselves, and the ,memories of those we love. Not much comfort I know I am sorry, but we learn to live for us for ourselves, I could speak of those who have died in my life, those it thought who's deaths would finish me and very nearly did. Those very memories that nearly destroyed me kept me going and gave me the strength at my weakest and most alone.

    I am sorry things are hard, I am sorry you feel alone ignored, my pm is always open even to vent. Sometimes we don't have the words or say the wrong things, but you are not along.

    Be gentle on you please, and you can ride this storm.

    Rich
     
  15. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you rich for responding. I am very thankful.

    I know it's hard to find words and similar. I know. And I know I am one who is always pulling here and never giving.

    But thank you.
     
  16. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Rather thank start another thread and in just going to continue on here. To many threads of mine over the last years. To o many thoughts expressed and life supposed for nothing. S why, I doubt know. I know tong night I'm alone and not myself. I know I had to talked meds for anxietyiousness early but now I thought let's sea if alcoholic can help. So high as where in at currently. So very smarted of me, I know it it's not really. To many fears and fear and alone. No a soul to reach ed out to. And Ii know it's late and stuffs and maybee I'll lay down shortly Ian a while. Not shred what or how's to stop.
     
  17. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    MoAnamCara you DO have people to reach out to, one at least. Please talk to me.
    Hopefully you are sleeping now and tomorrow will be brighter but if not you know how to contact me.
     
  18. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    :hug: thank you
     
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