Excuse me and all of that but it's all bullshit. All of it. Family who say and do things that hurt. People who disappear from your life for no apparent reason. Those who take advantage, and yes, of course I let them. Idiot. Triggering physical tests where I'm obviously in much stress but they don't stop which makes it worse and I can't physically talk or say stop or anything. And it's just like I'm back there. Then. A complete repeat, again. Much pain but I feel so stupid. Majority of the pain is my own fault it turns out. But that's a bigger issue, always has been and I can't go there. So I now feel like a hypochondriac. And alone. How do I explain what has gone on the last couple of weeks? How will I get through the next few? I have to do that alone, no choice. How am I going to do that? How? Fallen behind in work again and it's overwhelming. Everything is. And I don't know what to do, to run or hide or escape or whatever.