miserable and alone

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Brian777, Mar 30, 2016.

  1. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I wish I'd never existed. In retrospect my life has been a constant battle with anxiety, depression and panic attacks. I've spent most of the time trying to fix myself and others. Just doesn't make sense any more. I'm tired of the constant battle and see no light at the end of the tunnel. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I'm alone anyway and have no family except my dog, who's been more of a friend than anyone to me. The last person who cared about me passed away last year and it's been a downward spiral since.
    Even writing this looks like the epitome of self pity, so be it......I don't know how else to feel. If only there were a timeline on this pain, if only I could see an end to it, but I don't. Each day seems worse than before with the occasional short(hours) reprieve. I'm tired of trying to act like everything is okay and wearing a mask for others to see. I don't want to burden others with my dark feelings, most wouldn't understand anyway. I'm just tired and weary.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm going to be brutally honest, it is hard for me to cry just by reading a post but I just had some tears while reading the first few sentences. You have no family? Or ye don't get along? I am deeply sorry to hear of your loss, please know and believe that we really truly do care here. You aren't burdening anyone here, anyone replying wants to help you and cares and those who are reading most likely care too so while you *feel* alone you aren't really. You are a great person with a big heart and if it matters I am here for you.
     
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  3. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I'm so sorry I made you sad Petal, that wasn't my intent I just wanted to vent my feelings and see if it helped. No on the family, we left Scotland for Canada in 1966, my Mom was my last relative in this country. The last years I was focused on her as she was 87 and still living alone. I didn't realize how alone I felt until she passed away.
    I've been on the phone since posting trying to find out about a psychiatric referral put in by my MD 3 wks ago, apparently it never went through. Thankfully I checked and was able to get it resolved and an apt for April 9th. Hopefully he can help with my medication, I can't go on feeling like this. At least now I have a small ray of Hope.
    Thank you for caring Petal, you're a good person.
    Brian
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Of course I know that wasn't your intent hun, I just felt really sad when reading your post. Don't worry I am used to it. YAY April 9th, that is not so bad hun!! Tell him the truth and be completely honest so they can help you the best they can. You have us here too 24/7 :) I am really glad you followed up about the apt, it shows and proved how determined you are to get help. Best of luck to you :)
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  5. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thank you Petal :)
     
    Petal likes this.
  6. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hang in there Brian. Know that there are people in this world that care and know the suffering you go through.
     
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  7. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thanks my friend, just a really bad day today, we'll both hang in there and get through this somehow.
    Take care
     
  8. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hope that you make it Brian. I hope that all of us that come on this site make it and find the humanity and decency we all need.
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  9. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I have the same wish for you. There are decent and good people here, I'm glad we found this place.
     
  10. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry you're feeling so bad Brian. You're such a lovely person! And I'm sorry for all you're going through *hugs*

    But I am happy to hear you have an appointment coming up. You deserve that help! You truly do!
    I wish you all the best. Hang in there!
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  11. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thank you my friend for your for your kind words and support.
     
  12. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    What I find helps me with the feeling of being alone is learning to appreciate the solitude. If I sit down, and imagine, I can make books my friends. Most people think you can't talk back to books but you can, write in the margins. It sounds crazy but it really works.
     
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  13. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thank you for the suggestion, I do read a lot and never thought of this. But it's worth a try.
     
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know that I care. *hug* You're an amazing person, and I'm so glad you joined this site. Also glad you have an appointment coming up. Here if you ever feel like talking or need a friend.
     
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  15. AJE

    AJE Well-Known Member

    Hey Brian
    You're never alone, so many people on here care, you've done wonders for me in your support of how I've been feeling.
    Everyone on here is knows what a decent person you are.
    Stay strong, let us & your dog keep you going.
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  16. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thank you my friend, I appreciate your kind words, everyone here has been really supportive and kind. I. Glad to hear you're doing better, you're a good person and deserve to be happy.
     
    AJE likes this.
  17. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thank you WildCherry you have been a great support to me, I'm so glad I found and joined this site. ((Hugs)) my friend.
     
    WildCherry likes this.