I'm obsessed with the thought of suicide. I'm obsessed with the thought that you can control your own life. Ultimately you have the decision to stay here or to leave. It's actually quite amazing. I've attempted three times, and i struggle every day not to try a fourth. The past couple of weeks have been hell, and i've been really struggling. I feel like I'm ready to die. My friends all kind of drifted away from me, the love of my life left me 6 months ago, and I'm still terribly in love with him after he abused me and used his depression as a weakness. I want to meet someone who will give a fuck about me. Someone who will literally make me tell them what's wrong. Force me to get out of bed and do the things I once loved. I'm just heartbroken and suicidal, what a great combination. It could kill you.