hi everyone Im a newbie here,coming from france but actually in Dublin to do my internship. To try to sum up everything, Ive been battling depression for almost 5 years. fearing very low and useless and suicidal and then building up the mess again I had created because of some suicidial attempts ( friends left, grades drop out, boyfriends leave..). For the past 4 months, my strong suidicial feelings have been growing up really bad, resulting in 4 failed attempts. As I ve always felt kind of suicidial for almost half of my life, it seems like i wont recover from depression and the suicidial thoughts wont fade away. Im curently in Dublin,Ireland away from home and parents, and thats getting worse and worse. though sharing the apartment and feeling relieved that my parents wont be here for watching over me like the did after my failed attempts- I feel kind of happy thinking of that btw-, its juste getting worse and worse. its like being in a rushing train that CANNOT be stopped. as i was feeling miserable for the past 4 months, constantly thinking about how and when, Im now feeling like I dont matter at all and like feeling nothing. just nothing. have you ever felt in that situation when you felt deep down inside there was no turning back, despite some kind of willingness to change?.. thanks for listenning. I hope to find some support here and deep talk. and sorry for my english..