miserable :(

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lost_in_a_fairytale, Sep 28, 2010.

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  1. lost_in_a_fairytale

    lost_in_a_fairytale Active Member

    I started uni yesterday, [first year] and I hate it. I live at home and travel in.
    I haven't cut for ages, I'm not sure how long, about 9/10 months but this is making me want to cut again.

    It's stressing me out. Everyone else has friends already and I'm always stuck on my own. It's only the second day but I feel like giving up already, I want a degree but I don't want to be this miserable and come home crying everyday. It's so awkward. The odd person has introduced themselves to me but then they go off with their friends. For example today we had some free time and I was left by myself in the room for 30 mins :(
    I never know what to do / where to go in spare time. The uni itself and staff / students are nice, it's just the experience I hate. :'( my family / old friends advice me to just talk to people or ask to hang out with them but I'm really shy and I'm not brave enough to do that. I don't want to be stuck there alone for the next 3 years :(

    & I really dont want to resort to cutting to shut myself up / calm down temporarily but I dont know what else to do. Anyone else in this situation / been in this situation before? How long does it take for things at uni to settle down? How long does it take to fit in / make friends?

    I feel like such an idiot.
     
  2. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    Fresher's Week is always galling. Keep at it. There are plenty of lonely, confused people at uni. Try to get involved in one or two of the societies. There should be plenty of support at the Student Union offices.

    Ask if they need any help there as when I was at uni they invariably did need help and this you would start communicating with people.

    There are a few of us from London/South East so pm us if you need to talk
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    HEy give it acouple of weeks okay join up for some groups you might like that way you meet friends with your same interest Just make it a goal to talk to one person each day okay just one that way people will get to know you. lst week of uni is always hectic and frightening give it some time things will calm down a bit.
     
  4. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I've just started my second year at uni, and felt much like you when I started first year. It's really overwhelming, especially when you find it hard to talk to people and feel that everyone else already has friends. However, although it usually does seem that people know each other already, this is often because they live together or just that they've found someone to cling to. You are not alone - inside everyone feels just like you, even though they don't show it.

    It will take a couple of weeks for things to settle down. Some people will leave or switch modules/courses, and you will discover that there are some lovely people to befriend. No matter how shy you are, I guarantee that you will make friends.

    My advice is much like the others': join a club or society - most of them are really friendly, and it's a brilliant way to meet people with similar interests. Also, gradually make yourself talk to people a bit. Seminars are great for this, when you're split into groups, as you have to talk to them about your work anyway, and it's a good way to find people you're compatible with, i.e. who have the same sense of humour as you.

    I made a couple of friends quite quickly, simply because we all just stuck together, and then discovered that we happened to get along, but in English I've only just got to the point where I'm not left alone in the breaks. But it didn't bother me too much, because I feel that as long as I have a couple of friends I'll be ok. It doesn't matter if you don't know everyone in every module, but I am certain that you will make some brilliant friends. It just takes a while for everyone to find their place in the whole thing, as it's new to everyone, even people who seem totally confident. I am 100% sure you're not the only one who went home crying today. But I am also 100% sure that it will get better. Please trust me.

    If you need to talk about it with someone who understands, feel free to PM me. I'll be here.

    Mim
     
  5. Born Dead

    Born Dead Member

    I'm in the same situation, although I started uni 10 weeks ago and am currently on mid-semester break.

    Anyway...

    I know how you feel. It's tough going there and feeling like everyone else has their life together except for you. For me, the first day was so overwhelming I thought that I was never going to last. However 10 weeks on and I'm still going, and the trick is to focus on why you are there (at least, that's what I've done). Going to uni can be a great social experience, but you're main purpose there is to learn. Maybe find out if there are any study groups for classes that you're in and if you want to, go and talk to the counselor there. I have and it helped me, so there's no harm in giving it a go, right?

    I talk to a couple of people in my classes, but would hardly consider them friends. 'Classmates' would be the best word to describe them, and sure some days I am still on my own but it does get easier. You will get more confident. Before going to uni I was a complete loner, spending 6 days a week in my house and only leaving for therapy. But now I can talk to people & talk in front of a class.

    Some days are harder than others, but my maths teacher told me that most students spend 50% of the time doubting themselves, so it's not just us, trust me! Even though sometimes I sit in toilet cubicles there and cry (so embarrassing to admit!) it's worth sticking at, just give it a go and I'm sure you'll be fine.
     
  6. No_Life

    No_Life Well-Known Member

    dont feel an idiot! one of my best friends started uni last week and is having exactly the same problems as you are, except she has an eating disorder instead of cutting. this seems a really common problem, especially if noone from your college goes to uni with you. the trouble is that thinking negatively like you are wont help you make friends or find life any easier. it gets easier over time, just refrain from cutting (obviously being upset and having cuts on your arms might make people less keen to talk to you) and it will only increase your level of depression. take it one day at a time and im sure you'll do well
     
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