Misery shuns company

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nobodydifferent, Dec 31, 2015.

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  1. Nobodydifferent

    Nobodydifferent Well-Known Member

    i hate New Year's Eve .. I've shut everyone out of my life at this point .. Mostly because I'm in some miserable stage and either everything I say gets taken wrong or i take everything people say wrong . I don't believe in new year new me and my whole life is going to change cause the year is .. But the thing is I didn't kill myself this year and that in itself is major .. But if it wasn't for my son .. There would be no me ..

    There's nothing I want out of life and the faking it is getting tiring ..

    I'm almost overwhelmed at the thought of facing another year

    Redoing everything over and over ..

    I just don't know if I can

    If I want to

    I have never felt so alone and scared in my life

    On one hand I just want to stop .. Quit my job stop cleaning my house stop caring stop worrying on the other hand I lose my mind if one little things starts to get out of control ..

    My headaches are back worse then ever .. So it makes function even when I want even harder and I feel like a failure

    It just wasn't suppose to be like this ..

    Part of me thinks everyone is just waiting around expecting me to kill myself
     
  2. Renegade

    Renegade Well-Known Member

    Not quite sure who would be there waiting for you to kill yourself, unless you were to really piss everyone off and they would tell you straight up. Although i guess thats a bad example because thats how i feel about my parents but thats a completely different story. I live with them and it breaks the boundaries, i dont think you are breaking anyone boundaries are you?

    This whole new eye resolution is pretty meaningless for the biggest population, you dont wait for a new year eve to make resolution, you make them day in and day out as the drama goes. Is it no surprise that these resolutions fail so often and they usually are about weight loss? I dont even give new year resolutions a though. its others who does for me.

    Why do you really want nothing out of life, if you could change the world to be perfect for YOU would you not want anything at all? I mean, you have preferences dont you? Preference for a name, type of clothing, behavior, doesn't that mean that on some level you do desire to be something, to exist as an entity, whatever that is?

    I always love losing my job you know, because that meant i could give myself a much needed rest, I guess life was a bit too kind on this level as I wont be working anymore likely but this isn't about me, this is about you.

    Do you take anything for headaches? Theres a couple of things that can help like peppermint oil caps, which is also VERY good for nausea, best thing Ive found really and you can get white willow bark which is just what aspirin is made from but without the side effects.

    What do you think this was supposed to be like?
     
  3. Nobodydifferent

    Nobodydifferent Well-Known Member

    When I say people are waiting for me to kill myself I mean certain friend and family who've always thought of me as 'going to end up just like my dad' who killed himself .
    Short story I'm 36 and i think I've gone out of my way to make nothing of myself when I could of been so much more .. So much more was expected of me and I hate that I let myself end up this way that now I don't care anymore .. I had
    i think a lot of people expected me to end up like my father who killed himself .. My depression was always ignored out of fear or over reacted to there was no meduim ..and I think that's how I've lived my life .. I either over achieve or don't do anything at all ..

    I feel like I've gotten to a point where I've just been through it all and don't want to do anything else even though I've actually never really done much if that makes sense I'm mentally drained I just want to raise my son and that's it

    As for the headache you name it I've done it they were good for awhile .. I think right now it's my lack of being able to eat and sleep making them worse .. And possibly the different magnesuim I'm taking
     
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