*sigh* I just feel utterly miserable. I'm worried about my essay for english. That I wont get it done. But I can't think right now. I don't know what I'm writing. I'm supposed to hand it on tomorrow morning but I can get away with not doing it until my lesson on wednesday.. I'm stressed about this stupid bill I have.. Feeling sad about the thing that's been hanging around since tuesday. I'm scared to sleep tonight because I don't want anymore of these unwanted dreams. I want to be with people and then I feel bad because when they come I don't talk with them. I feel guilty because I'm having trouble dealing with this person's problems but I can't say so because he needs me, and doesn't seem to let out to anyone else. I'm worried about my sudden anger out bursts, but happy that they seem to be going away. I'm torn between feeling terrible from life and the urge to be happy. I want to either be busy all the time, so I don't have time to think, but then I just want to lay around doing nothing. I want people to leave me alone, yet I want to start being around people more. I want to stop being on the internet all the time, but it's what I know. I'm scared about not having anyone to talk to if I put my laptop away. I'm scared I'm going to hurt him like before. I want to be strong and here for everyone around me but I want to keep away from the worries and stress. I want to be depressed because I don't know how to act otherwise. I want to be happy to get rid of this shit and make life easier. I want to cower in a corner and cry all the time. I want to keep cutting because it shows something is wrong, but I don't feel the urge so much and I want to stop and don't understand why. maybe for him. I miss my old connections and relationships with people. I hate how I've just written a whole post about how I feel.