misleading

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by homelessmk, Sep 3, 2009.

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  1. homelessmk

    homelessmk Active Member

    i was bored, and i thought it would be kind of fun to write a misleading poem... so this sounds innocent enough... sort of. but if you only read certain lines it would be very dark... intended to sound like a florida vacation or something, but at the bottom i've included just the lines to make the second, hidden poem... first poem that i've posted on here, so please don't make fun of me.

    I miss the blood
    Red sunsets, sky blushing
    Before the inky night creeps in
    I miss the sight of people cutting
    Their yards under the blazing sun
    Sweating and swearing while they push
    I miss the blades
    Of grass whispering around my ankles
    Waving while I read in the green ocean
    I miss the screaming
    Of the riders on roller coasters
    The amusement parks filled all day long
    I miss the times we spent together
    My best friend
    My comforter
    My way of life





    2nd version:

    i miss the blood
    before the inky night creeps in
    i miss the sight of people cutting
    sweating and swearing while they push
    i miss the blades
    i miss the screaming
    i miss the times we spent together
    my best friend
    my comforter
    my way of life
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    That's very clever! I like the first version because of the way it "misleads" the reader's thoughts.
     
  3. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I'm diggin it!
     
  4. homelessmk

    homelessmk Active Member

    *blush* thanks :)
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes very fun the first poem great work
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    wow,awesome :)
     
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