I wasnt sure where this post fits... ...Im feeling really unsure of myself at the moment. Over the past week I have been admitted to the hospital 3 times and essentially been there every day. A week ago on Monday I was admitted to a medical floor because the psych ward was full and I stayed until Wednesday. Then I was in and out of the ER on Thursday, and then finally I came back for suicidal ideation - I had a plan and the means to carry it out - on Friday and was admitted to the psych ward and stayed until I signed myself out AMA on Sunday afternoon. I like being in the hospital, I feel safe and comfortable there, however I dont get the same warm comforting feelings in the psych ward, only when I am in the ER, ICU or on a medical floor, as such sometimes when I would only go in for ideation I instead choose to self injure or attempt suicide just so that I can avoid the psych ward and prolong my stay in the ER or on a medical floor. I know it is unhealthy but try as I might I have yet to find another solution. I dont get the same feelings of relief in any other situation other than being in the hospital. As messed up as it is a lot of times I dont think Im really suicidal as I would be kinda bummed if I was successful and died I just want the relief that comes from the visit to the hospital and the medical intervention. After my most recent stay I am reminded of why I hate the psych ward, and just how much I loathe being locked up in there. At the moment I dont think I am that suicidal any more but I am quite worried that I may still compulsively hurt myself in order to get that comfortable feeling of being in the hospital that I long for and Im not sure what I can do to mitigate it, and prevent myself from going back.