Miss Being Hospitalized but not the Psych Ward...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Amanda, Dec 29, 2014.

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  1. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I wasnt sure where this post fits...

    ...Im feeling really unsure of myself at the moment. Over the past week I have been admitted to the hospital 3 times and essentially been there every day. A week ago on Monday I was admitted to a medical floor because the psych ward was full and I stayed until Wednesday. Then I was in and out of the ER on Thursday, and then finally I came back for suicidal ideation - I had a plan and the means to carry it out - on Friday and was admitted to the psych ward and stayed until I signed myself out AMA on Sunday afternoon.

    I like being in the hospital, I feel safe and comfortable there, however I dont get the same warm comforting feelings in the psych ward, only when I am in the ER, ICU or on a medical floor, as such sometimes when I would only go in for ideation I instead choose to self injure or attempt suicide just so that I can avoid the psych ward and prolong my stay in the ER or on a medical floor.

    I know it is unhealthy but try as I might I have yet to find another solution. I dont get the same feelings of relief in any other situation other than being in the hospital. As messed up as it is a lot of times I dont think Im really suicidal as I would be kinda bummed if I was successful and died I just want the relief that comes from the visit to the hospital and the medical intervention.

    After my most recent stay I am reminded of why I hate the psych ward, and just how much I loathe being locked up in there. At the moment I dont think I am that suicidal any more but I am quite worried that I may still compulsively hurt myself in order to get that comfortable feeling of being in the hospital that I long for and Im not sure what I can do to mitigate it, and prevent myself from going back.
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Maybe it was because you werent "locked up" and the other areas of hospital had more nurses per patient vs the ward?

    Whatever the reason is its understandable being in a warm place when having a hard time emotionally. I think the other parts of hospital keeps our mind off problems because theres bustle and tv other patients and constant foot traffic

    While the ward no tv in rooms or variety
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey hun!

    Thanks for your message, I just hope and pray that you will not harm yourself to get into the hospital Amanda as you never know when you could take a step too far accidentally. I know that obviously if you're signed into hospital with depression that it would be the psych ward they admit you. Is it possible they can bend some rules and tell them how much the hospital has helped you and helped you in staying sober and they could perhaps admit you for getting on the right medications or something of that nature. I hope you can overcome these hurdles. I personally hate to be in hospital but it's a safe warm place so understandable that you find it comforting.

    Best of luck to you my friend.
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Have you ever sought help for the specific issue of hurting yourself to feel the comfort of being in the hospital? That sounds like Munchausens disease and is a genuine medical illness that needs immediate attention from your psychiatrist.
  5. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I dont actually have a psychiatrist yet... My first appointment with the new psychiatrist isnt until February 27th.
  6. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Hi Amanda,
    It is completely understandable that you like being in a hospital setting. Hospital provides structure, care and routine and you do not have any responsibilities other than being compliant. I also understand the difference between psychiatry and medicine/surgery. Staff have a different approach and a different level of engagement in my opinion. It might be worth asking yourself how you could create what you are looking for outside hospital but given what you have posted I think that you will need help to do this. It comes down to the ability to take care of yourself and to self soothe which can be developed.
    Take care. Karen
  7. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    I liked the psych ward in some ways better than the medical floor. Depending on which hospital it was. On the psych floor in any hospital I could get coffee whenever I wanted. It would have been an imposition on the medical floor. I got my own tv in one hospital's psych ward. And my own shower. But the only advantage of there to here is not cooking. I can get that at my parent's without their worrying about me in the hospital.
  8. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I liked certain things about being in the hospital(psych ward), probably mostly because I need help and was surrounded by people who were trying to help me. The food was good too. I'd go back there in a heartbeat if I thought that they could help me. My local hospital is better than most. One time I was in a state hospital. I wouldn't want to go back there.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    wow I never knew that was a genuine illness, I googled it and was shocked http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M√ľnchausen_syndrome you learn something new every day, after reading about it, it does sound like you could have it hun. Please at least bring it up with your doctor.
  10. LexiRN

    LexiRN Active Member

    I 3rd the opinion about Munchausen. My mother had Munchausen by Proxy; that is where you hurt other people for the same feelings you described. Its different. Me and one of my other siblings where who she hurt. .I would mention it to your psychiatrist. It is an illness that definitely needs treatment. Some people end up hurting themselves so badly that it nearly kills them or takes them to miserable places. Peace be with you.
  11. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    ^^Ive hurt myself so badly I was on a ventilator in ICU before... I think that probably qualifies as "nearly dead"
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