Missed opportunities/people/relationships.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by letdown, Aug 2, 2007.

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  1. letdown

    letdown Guest

    Today I'm sitting here thinking about not only missed opportunities in terms of where my life has taken a turn from where I thought it would go, (actually a lot of that was down to things I had no control over) but missed opportunities in terms of making friends in my "real life."

    I asked my girlfriend if adults actually do think back to let's say, one's crushes at school, people you were interested in and now you think "Why on earth didn't I act or just say something then before we took different turnings and now we'll never see each other again?"

    And it all boils down to insecurities, insecurities about if the person liked me.

    At this moment my social avenues are non-existent...there is no way I'd be able to cope with the stress of university at the moment and am currently spending my savings for university on therapy otherwise I just wouldn't be here..

    Sometimes I feel horrified at the thought that I'll spend the rest of my life being hyper-wary of people, wasting opportunites that are down to personal insecurities and terrible self image and poor protection of myself (ie, not having a thicker skin, or able to perform or wear some kind of protective mask/barrier). In contrast to this, I do feel that I empty myself out to complete strangers (for example here) on the internet and this has very very bad consequences for me.

    Do you ever think back to people in your past, or people perhaps right now that you were/are too scared to approach? Or is it just me?
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2007
  2. hiding

    hiding Guest

    Yes. To the point that sometimes (a lot of the time lately) I wish I could go back in time and made a better choice, been more open with my friends and family at the time, been more receptive with people who tried to get to know me and generally been more proactive about my issues when they really started to affect my life, which was about 2 years ago. Now everything's screwed up and I'm miserable.

    When I really think about how everyone i used to know has gone on and gotten married, bought a house, had kids, have careers...all the the things somebody my age should be doing I guess, and I just have nothing, not going anywhere, things going from bad to worse, worried and unhappy most of the time. Yesterday my only friend moved, and that brought all these feelings back full force again. It really doesn't feel like there's any point to being here anymore. The only drawback is that I would be shaming and hurting my family. I care more about them than I do about myself. Sorry if I went OT.
     
  3. letdown

    letdown Guest

    You didn't go OT hiding. Thanks for sharing:hug:. I know what you mean about the feeling of going nowhere. But for me, I'm not really worried about that house/family/job thing, just the missed possibility of perhaps having one or a couple of close friends.

    Maybe it's a kind of defence from failure and humiliation not to be slightly more open with people? (In real life, initial meetings that is. I'm completely the opposite on the internet and after I like someone in real life but it's the first few steps that are the hardest.) I don't know. I do think there's a possibility of things changing though. Thanks for your reply.:smile:
     
  4. Twisted Sweet Lies

    Twisted Sweet Lies Well-Known Member

    There's only one I really look back on. There's only one I regreat. There was a girl next door that I grew up with we hung out a lot and were friends. She got cancer when she was 16 or so. After she got cancer I was afraid to go see her and to talk to her and to hang out with her. She was in a wheel chair and was in a lot of pain. I was afraid to see her suffereing. I didn't know what to say to her I didn't want to start crying in front of her so I never went to see her. She asked my mom once why I didn't come with her when my mom went over. She wanted to see me. I feel really bad for it. I never said good bye I was never there. I was afraid and I regreat it. Thinking about it still makes me sad and feel guilty like a horable person.
     
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Lord, how many times have I thought...if only......:sad:
     
  6. letdown

    letdown Guest

    I know what you mean Terry.

    Twisted Sweet Lies, I've never been in that situation but I do hear how distressed you felt when she got ill. I know that feeling of guilt and regret.
    :hug:
    Thanks for sharing.
     
  7. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Regrets :sad: I have so many dont know where to start, and the sorry thing is, most of them were under my control. The main ones centre around the relationship with my father, and the missed opportunities i might have had relationship wise with women because of my issues, then theres failing university blah blah..not point in listing everything. Ive achieved so very little, and done so very little with my life so far.
     
  8. letdown

    letdown Guest

    :hug: That doesn't mean you're any less of a person. And what does 'achieving' actually mean anyway? The amount of times I've dropped out, :)laugh:) I think there's something out there telling me to actually listen to myself and that there are other ways of doing things. You can look at university in so many different ways and I've never really felt comfortable with the idea of going and feeling frustrated there...
     
  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Well, I was a serial dropper outer in my day :laugh: Weird thing I stopped doing that when I had my son. I went to uni as a mature student and loved every minute of it, but it isn't for everyone and really I haven't used my degrees, I just enjoyed doing them.
     
  10. letdown

    letdown Guest

    Yes there's a part of me that enjoys it a whole lot there too and a part of me that knows it just isn't for me at this point in my life as I'm a wreck. If I do go back, I'll most probably go back as a mature student. Or maybe I'll not need it anymore, who knows? I think what I need is a few people I can actually talk to and work with. Just have to wait and see I suppose..:) Thanks for your words Terry.
     
  11. hidingagain

    hidingagain Guest

    Yeah, especially in the moments when i sit around and think about how different my life could've been if I hadn't screwed things up. The guilt of knowing that the source of my sufffering now is all my fault makes me hate myself more.

    I don't have much of a relationship with my father either and not surprisingly I guess, am very distrustful of people in general, but men especially.

    As for my achievements, I feel like a fraud to my friends and family who i've lying to about that. I really couldn't handle them being disappointed and ashamed of me.
     
  12. Malc

    Malc Guest

    Well kinda, yeah, but it's not exactly the people opportunities I miss, it's the me opportunites I miss - like, being more open with myself, instead of being so bloody self-absorbed to think that I could actually get something I needed from other people.

    Bottom line, I wish I had tried harder when I was in, say, highschool, or early twenties. Any kind of escapism that came my way - I was like, yeah, sure, bring it on.

    The younger you are, the more useful this, um, advice might be for you: Live. Read. Study. If you can not cope with one thing, find a thing you can cope with. And cope. Possibilities will open..

    Of course, it is possible to do so even in your 70's or something. try not to feel as if it were necessary to be happy.

    Just like, do stuff.

    Suicide? Well I dunno, life goes so fast that death of natural causes is actually probably closer than you feel, and the older you get, if you're anything like me, you'll find that time speeds up and not only days and months, but years and decades even can kinda sorta pass you by, pretty much. So do SOMETHING. Read. Study. Write. Paint.

    Hmm, perhaps this is a bit offtopic. People, relationships... They come and go, or stay. But the most important thing is who you are. Yeah, it can get lonely.

    But it doesn't have to be dull and empty even then.
     
  13. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member

    Of course, I’ve had numerous crushes, but never acted on any of them. Mostly, I just regret being born. Although there are a few things I enjoy about life, my avoidant personality disorder keeps me from finding what I really need to be happy.
     
  14. letdown

    letdown Guest

    Thanks for sharing lonelychronicpainman, Malc and hiding.
     
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