Missing Her, kind of hurts.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by immadeofrainbow, Aug 27, 2010.

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  1. immadeofrainbow

    immadeofrainbow Well-Known Member

    Yeah so, i don't really know what i'm doing here, or what to write or whatever, but I guess it's just for the sake of writing and recap, or something.
    So, my girlfriend, passed away on the ninth of last month, which was August. We'd been dating for three years ten months and sixteen days then, I guess
    that's pretty much close to the four year mark. Her name was Katie, and she was the most beautiful thing i'd ever seen, still is, I was happy to see her every minute of any day, whatever the cause. Sure we'd fight, alot but it all resolved in the end.
    It was around elevenish, I was driving back to ours, in a bit of a slur, not drunk of anything like that, just that we'd argued that morningand there was a bit of a tension in the air. I guess my mind must have slipped me but one minute I was driving the next a car stopped in front of me and I didn't think to stop too, she was screaming and I was screaming and there was noise and pain, hot hot pain. I don't understand why I was the one that escaped barely bruised, dislocated wrist and the like and she with a broken neck, doesn't seem right does it?

    I guess the whole point of writing this stuff down is to share and get advice, but honest to god, I wish i could trade my flesh for her bones. She was the one with the dreams and I didn't give a shit as long as i'd make her happy
    She'd tolerate my insufferable idiocy and love me all the same.
    She'd love waking up to the smell of coffee in the morning, the way she liked it, no milk three sugars.
    I guess in a sense i'm a bit of a wimp, i mean it's been a month and three days, and it still seems like it was all yesterday. I mean i still make her coffee and put her shit in the tumbbledryer to make it warm, throw away her coffee at four because she didn't finish it. I've stopped making two dinners now because, well. I don't want any and she doesn't need any.
    And as it were it seems that, hard as I try, she's always there, not in a good way.
    Like something's turned my beautiful girl into a resentful stranger.
    And I can't burn her out, or cut her out, because she won't listen to me.
    Why would she, I wouldn't. Now I guess i've written past my welcome and I'm dragging on and on, but i guess all i want is, i don't even know, the secret of getting past it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    she loved you for a reason she saw good in you she would not want you blaming yourself for what happened she loved you and would want you to be happy It has been so soon though you are still mourning and will for awhile yet it is to soon for all the sadness to go but i hope in time you will have more happy memories instead of pain. she loved you for a reason don't doubt that love okay take care
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss Jamie...
    it's still really early in your grief yet so don't be too hard on yourself....
    You are definately not a wimp....grief takes time especialy after something as traumatic as you've suffered...
    have you considered some grief therapy?

    I hope you'll keep reaching out here for support...we're here for you...
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Jamie. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    You have to put this behind you and move on. You will always remember her and the time you spent together, but you can't keep pretending that she is still alive, by making her coffee and dinner. I'm sure in time, you will find a new girlfriend and move on.
     
  5. immadeofrainbow

    immadeofrainbow Well-Known Member

    Grief therapy? I'm not entirely sure how that works or whatever but it sounds like some kind of really akward gathering where your told what you already know :/

    How does it work?
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I have a one on one counselor and we work together weekly...best of all she actually listens to me and she teaches coping skills....coping with the thoughts that go around in our heads is hard work....better shared.
    I find someone who actually listens is so helpful...
    she teaches me to deal with others who are ignorant of our pain also...
    If you have the right therapist it may help you too....
    take care..
     
  7. immadeofrainbow

    immadeofrainbow Well-Known Member


    Do the techniques actually have an effect?
    How do I go about this? I'm not entirely sure on what to do
     
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    talking to your doctor about it might help you find one...he should be able to steer you in the right direction..
    I find it helps me a lot ...things that I stress about can be seen in better clarity through the eyes of third person....

    I hope you can still open up on here where so many people can understand your pain..

    I guess in a sense i'm a bit of a wimp, i mean it's been a month and three days, and it still seems like it was all yesterday. I mean i still make her coffee and put her shit in the tumbbledryer to make it warm, throw away her coffee at four because she didn't finish it. I've stopped making two dinners now because, well. I don't want any and she doesn't need any.

    Can I say that grief is a very individual thing...each person is different but however you grieve is ok for you....if making her coffee , etc. helps you to get through the early grief period then do it....in time that will pass...
    Don't listen to well meaning people telling you to move on...
    that will happen when you're ready...and it certainly won't happen at 5 weeks..

    reading books on grief help too...
    I recommend "Healing Your Traumatized Heart" by Alan D Wolfelt, PHD
    (100 Practical ideas after someone you love dies a sudden, violent death)..
    I find this book really helpfull and true...
    take care of yourself..
     
  9. immadeofrainbow

    immadeofrainbow Well-Known Member

    Thank you , alot for this
    I'll really think about it
    Though, I think however, for me personally book feel two dimensional, not that I intend to offend your judgement, not at all, but like you said, each individual is an independant variable.
    Thank you alot for taking time
     
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    As everyone else has said, sorry for your lose.

    When we lose something we cherish we tend to keep living life as if it were never gone. It sounds to me like you blame yourself for what happened. You assign blame to yourself even though you are not to blame.

    She is gone friend, she will not be coming back. Keep her in your memories and your heart. However, oft is time to move on. I know the wound is still fresh. However, you need to forgive yourself for being angry at her before she went. You need to forgive yourself for surviving. Remember the good times and learn from the bad ones. Believe you will find that love again. :hug:
     
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