Missing it

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lycoris, Nov 6, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. lycoris

    lycoris Well-Known Member

    I dont particularly have triggers anymore. Just random moments where i miss it so much.

    And then it builds and it builds inside me like something is trying to get out.

    I have these mood dips im fine one minute then i could honestly just burst into tears the next.

    I dont even know why im posting. Its not like anyone can take it away.

    I keep coming baack to this thought, if i didnt have my boyfriend who has made it clear we are over if i start sh again.. What would i be like?

    I could self destruct at my leisuure and nobody would care or even notice.
  2. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I am sure someone cares and people would notice.

    Does your b/f understand why you sh? Perhaps if you could discuss with him your thoughts, reasons - so that instead of threatening you with leaving - he could support you through the thoughts?

    I understand about your mood and about your urges. Its been a month for me, just over a little bit. But when you feel the need, what else could you do that would be helpful? Could you ask your b/f that in those times he hold you? Or go out for a walk? Or do something else distracting yet comforting?

  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    But would you care or notice? I think that is what counts...and btw, there are many people who would care here...J
  4. lycoris

    lycoris Well-Known Member

    Sorry let me clarify, i dont currently self harm and havent done regularly for four years. Ive had some slips during that time.

    But he made it clear when we met that if i did relapse he just couldnt deal with it.

    Theres a whole lot of history there with him.

    People do care... I think. But i honestly honestly dont think they'd notice until it was too late.

    He would notice, be deeply hurt, and never forgive me.

    But what if i lose him anyway? That kind of hurt would drive me insane.

    Yeah... Im REALLY not a stable person..
  5. lord.nigel

    lord.nigel Well-Known Member

    Well i for one am proud that u have been able to hold off! You're amazing :)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.