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Missing me.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by youngreck, Nov 10, 2010.

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  1. youngreck

    youngreck New Member

    I thought I wanted to die all this time, but I finally see through my disorientated thoughts.

    I simply want pain.

    I actually relish it. I use to be a big cutter. And at the time, I wanted to die so badly, like it was the only way out. I was very serious, I would cut down the arm along my veins and had to be hospitalized and treated for a very long while. I have personality disorder and I'm bipolar, and I can't help to think why I was put on this Earth. Just to be a big screw up?

    I don't want death, I simply want out of my life. I despise myself. I mean, my throat gets thick and my face gets red just thinking about how much self-hatred I have towards myself. I couldn't I have been born normal? Why me, of all people, have to have depression? Nobody gets me, and nobody will because you are not me, and you don't hate me as much as I do. I am so sorry for being this way. I'm embarrassed of myself, I truly am. Who let's me out in public? I might as well die, because I seem to hate everything.

    Just not as much as me.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Although it might not take away the pain, I did want you to know I do understand...I used to look at myself in the mirror and imagine slicing my face until I did not exist...I hated myself so much, I stopped eating because why feed a waste of DNA like myself...I felt I deserved no pleasure and that anyone who cared about me did so out of pity and a sense of humanity because I did not deserve kindness...I was a useless, worthless mistake who only deserved to suffer...that is not who I am today, and even though I am going through a rough spot myself, I do not feel that way...please know I am always here to talk about this...you are valuable and worthy, no matter what diagnoses you have...and there are many ppl here who can support you...thank you for sharing and please continue to let us know how you are doing, J
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    There are many of us that hate ourselves so deeply it hurts. You illness does not have to be who you are. With the proper medication and treatment team youcan lead a productive meaningful life. Many people with mental illness are lawyers doctors professionals who help others now.
    No we not know your pain but we understand it okay we do so much and i am one who truly undestands the horrible hate inside and disgust but with therapy a good therapist you will learn to see a different you okay one that deserves kindness and care and understanding ihope you continue to talk here okay so you can release that pain inside some.
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