I thought I wanted to die all this time, but I finally see through my disorientated thoughts. I simply want pain. I actually relish it. I use to be a big cutter. And at the time, I wanted to die so badly, like it was the only way out. I was very serious, I would cut down the arm along my veins and had to be hospitalized and treated for a very long while. I have personality disorder and I'm bipolar, and I can't help to think why I was put on this Earth. Just to be a big screw up? I don't want death, I simply want out of my life. I despise myself. I mean, my throat gets thick and my face gets red just thinking about how much self-hatred I have towards myself. I couldn't I have been born normal? Why me, of all people, have to have depression? Nobody gets me, and nobody will because you are not me, and you don't hate me as much as I do. I am so sorry for being this way. I'm embarrassed of myself, I truly am. Who let's me out in public? I might as well die, because I seem to hate everything. Just not as much as me.