I am very new here, just registered. I have been trying to find a forum like this for the last 2 months. On September 19th, 2011, I lost my husband to suicide. We were married for 16 years, but, were together for almost 20. We have 2 beautiful teenagers, who are in alot of pain also. My husband has had an alcohol problem for our entire marriage, but, within the last 7 years he developed a drug addiction. Through all of this, he managed to keep a job, 10 years at his last position, he was a very hard worker. He was a fabulous dad and wonderful husband. He fought his addiction to the very end, but, it just got to be too much for him, and I understand that. I really do. We have gotten though Thanksgiving, just barely, and now onto Christmas, which I am dreading, and so are the kids. EVERYTHING reminds me of him...he has the brightest smile you will ever see, and the thought that I will never see it again, makes me so sad...I have thought about ending it too, but, then I think of my kids and their lives ahead of them and I say NO, I have to be there for them. We are all in therapy, and it is helping some. I do realize that it has only been a bit over 2 months, but, it seems it just happened. He did this only three quarters of a mile from our home. which seems to make it all the more worse. Why didn't he just come home, if he was so close? Did he was just to be close to us when he did it. It just seems like such a waste of a vibrant, strong human being...my heart is broken, and I feel I will never be able to pick up the pieces, and put it back together. Thanks for listening. Its good to know I am not alone in my pain.