Mistake... I think

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wonderer, Jan 6, 2008.

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  1. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    The girl who was my best friend hasn't been willing to talk to me for the past month and a half or so because she feels I was emotionally abusive.

    I emailed her earlier this week to ask if I could call her cuz there are a few things I want the chance to say to her. She said yes, I'm at a loss now.

    Originally, I wanted to tell her that a) I was and am sorry for hurting her. I appologized once before, but she told me that she thought I was just appologizing because that was what I was supposed to do, not because I meant it. And secondly, I wanted to tell her that, when I asked her to come to a therapy session with me, I genuinely wanted her to come and speak to my counsellor because I want to change. I hate who I am, and I hate what I did to her, and I never want to do that to anyone again.

    Problem is, I feel like shit for bothering her now. I have no right to talk to anyone, let alone her. I'm afraid anything I say is going to make her angry. I'm afraid I'm going to be rejected again. I'm looking at going into the hospital Mon., and idk if I should even mention that to her. I could really use a friend, but I have no right to ask her for anything. I feel like shit for having asked to talk to her in the first place. I feel guilty and horrible and worthless and like I've done something terribly wrong, and I haven't even spoken to her yet... idk if I even should...
    Sorry, I know this seems incredibly stupid and trivial. I just... feel like shit...
  2. cmgames

    cmgames Member

    she has said yes so the best thing would b to call her and keep it brief. talk about things u want like for her to come to counselling with u. try nd avoid feelings as she mite view it as emotional nd err toward abusive. i was in a similar situ to u, but unfortunately she wants no contact w/me now. most prob things wil go same way 4u, ur in a place rite now where she isnt and the only way to get her bk as a best mate wud b to get urself bk in a good state.
  3. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Try writing her a letter, and either send it to her before you see her for her to read in advance, or give it to her when you meet. It could stop you from saying things you may regret later, and let you structure exactly what it is you want to say to her in a less emotionally charged way.

    Good luck, Rae
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