Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by failur, Jan 22, 2015.

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  1. failur

    failur New Member

    Mistakes were made.
    One after another, one after another.
    Too many mistakes, and society leaves you behind.
    There is no use for someone who can't contribute to society.

    Why should I live to benefit others?
    Why should I bend to our society's will?
    Some say I shouldn't, that I should be independent and follow my dreams.
    Well, I would agree with them.
    I am no follower,
    I want to carve my own path, paint my own picture.
    But when society stops you for being you,
    And you can do nothing about it,
    What else is there to live for?

    "I don't want to do this, I don't want to do that."
    "But you have to, it will land you a job, make you money, and live well."
    Currency should be the center of my life.
    That's how society is, how society will always be.
    Would you not agree?
    And you know how the saying goes,
    It's like they always say,
    "You need money to make money."
    That's just how it is.
    I just have to deal with it.
    Life takes a bad turn?
    Deal with it.

    Here's my question.
    What if I don't want to deal with it?
    What if dealing with just seems like far too much trouble,
    And for what gain?
    So I can pick up the shattered pieces and glue it back together?
    The will to live is like glass,
    It can be strong,
    But nothing is invincible.
    When it's broken, it's broken.
    Sure, you can piece it back together and even make it more beautiful.
    Sure, you can melt it down and cast it back into it's original form.
    But society leaves what it can't use behind.
    It leaves the broken glass to pick itself up,
    Piece itself back together,
    And maybe even go further than society.

    And those, like me?
    I don't feel the need to do anything for anyone.
    I was broken into a million pieces,
    Swept into a corner and covered with some old towel,
    To hide it, forget it, leave it behind.

    Some people live with a purpose.
    Perhaps they believe in the judgement of God,
    So they have purpose.
    They have a reason to be successful.
    A reason to do something for someone other than themselves.
    Well, I, respectfully, disagree with the idea of any kind of afterlife.
    I respect those who have a purpose to live for that is above or beyond our material world.
    I think it is wonderful that an individual can have so much faith in something like that.
    However, different people have different opinions.
    I can't bring myself to believe in something like that.

    Maybe it is because I find so much fascination in our physical world.
    Calculus, fascinating.
    Physics, fascinating.
    Astronomy, fascinating.
    You get the idea.
    There is nothing more interesting to me than the mechanics that drive the physical world.
    How can I believe that a being that transcends humans makes all the decisions?
    I simply cannot.
    As a product of this, and I do believe that this applies to all atheists, not just myself,
    I am forced to create my own reason to live.
    I'm sure many atheists have a good reason to live.
    Some think that this is our one and only life,
    And after that, there's nothing,
    So make this one a good one.
    Some live because they feel like they have responsibilities,
    Something to give to society.
    And I think many atheists just live for the things they love,
    Whether it be a sport,
    Or maybe a person,
    Or maybe their job! (Now this is a rare one, honestly)
    I can say right now, I am living for what I love.
    The sports that I do,
    The knowledge I can learn,
    And the most important,
    The people that I love.

    It is only in recent years
    That I have begun to question,
    "Is it really worth it?"
    And I know what many of you will say,
    "You'll never know what the future holds."
    Or maybe,
    "There's always a chance for something amazing later on."
    And while I cannot disagree with that line of thinking,
    My answer is,
    "So what?
    We all die eventually.
    From my point of view,
    As an atheist,
    We all become nothing when we die.
    It's not like we'll remember.
    It's not like we'll regret.
    So what if there's more to my life than the present?
    The paths we take don't really matter
    When the ends are the same."

    The question I keep asking myself is,
    "Why should I try
    To be successful for this society?
    Yes, they have done a lot for me.
    Yes, it is selfish to take my own life for my own reasons.
    But so what.
    I won't remember anything in oblivion.
    And eventually, you'll all be there with me, too.
    Without memories, without mind, nothing."

    I've also begun asking myself another question.
    "What really happens after death?"
    And the truth is I won't know until I die.
    I am incredibly curious as to what happens after a man dies.
    What if the books are true?
    Then I might have condemned myself to eternal suffering!
    The price I pay for trying to duck out of life.
    Not such a huge price considering the circumstances.
    What if there is something completely new and amazing?
    Well I'd honestly be happy that I died!
    What if there was nothing, just plain nothing.
    Cease to exist and that's that.
    Well, then I have nothing to lose, don't I?

    Some strongly believe that a life can turn around in the blink of an eye,
    And they live by it.
    I do believe it,
    But I don't see that as a reason to keep enduring the pain
    Just for a chance at that.
    I mean, life is pretty good right now, really.
    But I fear the future.
    The future holds too many possibilities.
    Too many to calculate,
    Or discuss,
    Or predict.
    With the chance for a miracle in the future,
    Comes the chance for the countless amount of other ends.
    I'd sooner bet that God and/or the afterlife don't exist,
    Than the work and luck it takes to rebuild a broken life.

    What can someone possibly say to change this opinion?
    I'm curious,
    But also fearful,
    Of what you might say.

    Whether it will stop me or not...
    Well, we can't really expect anything, right?
    We'll just have to see what the future holds.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Not much to say about an opinion when there are no details at all about what it is that is wrong or what it is that is broken and is therefore making life not worth living. Welcome to SF and I hope you are able to vent some here.
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Live to benefit yourself foremost. If you want to carve your way through society then you gotta roll with the punches society dishes out otherwise Its just a poster talking the talk but not walking the walk. Look at countless people blazing their way through with all downfalls they experienced in life, they did not give up.

  4. ub3

    ub3 Banned Member

    Your writing feels like a peice of art<PROSE<POETRY maybe you should< could publish it on allpoetry or maybe dont even bother but maybe if you do it will last forever or at least until we totally destroy ourselves! PS YOU SOUND MORE LIKE AN AGNOSTIC TO ME THAN AN ATHEIST!
  5. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    As a fellow atheist I understand not having a reason not to kill yourself. If you don't buy into the concept of Sin then that leaves a lot of doors open. But as an atheist don't you believe in evolution? Fight or flight? Of course you're into the flight mode, so to speak, but it is our biological imperative to keep going. And if we don't want to then something must be fundamentally wrong.

    Just food for thought.
  6. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Please take care.
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