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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by blackening, May 1, 2008.

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  1. blackening

    blackening Well-Known Member

    Why the fuck is it that everything i say is misinterpreted, and everything i do is misconstrued? im sick to death of being accused of doing or saying something wrong just because people get the wrong end of the stick. Is it my fault people misread messages, and make assumptions instead of asking or trying to understand a little better? Is it my fault people don't understand my actions or decisions? Is it my fault people are still yet to realise how to recognise what tone of voice i'm using?

    I'm forced to feel like everything is MY fault, all of the time, regardless of whether it is or not, i could probably go out and get hit by a bus and the people around me would still say it was my fault or that i wanted it to happen, the ironic thing is that because of them, right now i DO want it :(

    On top of everything else i'm made to feel guilty for having insecurities relating to my past, any time i need a bit of reassurance all i get is more grief and made to feel even worse, well i can't do this anymore. Each day i go through this i consider more and more ending it all, and even though people would probably STILL misunderstand and blame me, at least i wouldn't care anymore or be made to feel at fault, i need the release.

    I dont need reminders, i already know im defective and should have been returned at birth
  2. bb564

    bb564 Guest

    I know how you mean. I'm so misunderstood at times. I'm always trying to be polite and ending up being kicked out of lessons, and nobody gets my sense of humour, they think I'm being serious when I'm not. I hate it, because I know it's going to be with me for the rest of my life.

    But remember that I understand you, and that's a start.
  3. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    We were all created imperfect. Some were birth defective. Our challenge is to decide what we're planning to do with our imperfections. Will they kill us or strengthen us? I well know that the easy way would be to let them kill us. I told my therapist today how much I want to die. I'm so imperfect. How can we manage our defects? It's a huge, very painful process. I know that it's possible, though sometimes it seems totally hopeless.

    I'm grateful for the few people such as my therapist who affirm my value. My self esteem is in the toilet, and I need encouragement just like you.

    I've found a lot of encouragement at this forum and have felt better about myself when I've been able to encourage someone else. Stay with us.
  4. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    I know someone who says similar things and I myself can relate....sometimes people have so many of their own problems it's easy for them to take things wrong...sometimes we just think and express ourselves differently...sometimes it comes out wrong. I get upset at what others say sometimes but I try to bring it up and hopefully they'll explain it better so I understand. It's hard when communication isn't working well. Even harder when the wrong assumptions are made.
  5. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Very good point(s).
    Just hope now people will listen more benevolently.
  6. Bison

    Bison New Member

    I completely know how you feel. Being in this frame of mind makes you a bit on the defensive and you may often get very defensive and misunderstand things people say to you. In other words, you may be the one doing the misunderstanding.

    I just got banned from the chatroom for dropping the f bomb at someone when I feel like I was completely disrespected (by the other user using a series of emoticons). Apparently none of the moderators saw where I was coming from so I have no choice to believe but that I was being overly sensitive.

    I got banned from the chat room, which was of course rather infuriating but you have to take those sort of things in stride. Most people won't understand your feelings so you can only hope to understand your own. If you can learn to not have expectations for people (especially those that are not meaningful in your life) then you won't feel let down. I hope this helps some
  7. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    I believe I now know what u mean by my "series of emoticons", only that u obviously missed that I accidentally twice in a row posted the wrong code and then when i posted the one i meant (which was the unsure :unsure: one because I hadnt understood somethin u had said before) i did say that this was the one i actually meant. so u should have seen that i did not use those emoticons on purpose and surely not to offend u.
  8. pastelmoon

    pastelmoon Active Member

    I'm sorry you're having such a bad day. Everything is not your fault and many people feel just like you do. It will get better. *hugs*
  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Blackening, just keep being who you are and dont change for any one. To those who dont understand you, their loss! You are a wonderul sincere person. Just keep working at keeping yourself safe hun. Here if you need me.
  10. blackening

    blackening Well-Known Member

    thank you to anybody that posted here, though it seems now that even my beliefs or opinions on things are openly ridiculed in public, again due to misunderstanding, so clearly it is NOT me that is misunderstanding other people... i just cant go on like this
  11. blackening

    blackening Well-Known Member

    and i wont
  12. blackening

    blackening Well-Known Member

    fuck the lot of you
  13. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    am i misunderstanding this post?
  14. blackening

    blackening Well-Known Member

    chances are that you aren't misunderstanding this post, depends entirely on your take of it and what conclusions you draw from it..

    the correct conclusion is that I am sick of feeling the way i do, and fooling myself that it will get better is doing me no good anymore, cuz im just walking headlong into problem after problem... at least when im gone there will be no more hurt for me or caused by me, people will be able to get on with their lives without me fucking everything up for all concerned
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