Mixed Emotions about this

I'm feeling mixed emotions about this situation. Since my step father works a lot and my mom has nobody else to help her, she expects me to do a lot. What I mean by this is my 3 months old sister. A lot of people tell me I should be doing a lot, if not more. They get sympathetic for my mother and call me a spoiled brat. I'm not a spoiled brat. I don't waltz around asking my parents for money to go places and buy stuff 24/7. Matter of fact, I don't ask for anything at all hardly. All I ask though is for some more free time. Plus I feel its not fair that my mom doesn't make my step father do anything with my sister hardly, even when hes off or at home. Whenever I bring that up to my step father, he says "you're a woman, you should be doing stuff like taking care of a baby, cooking, and cleaning so you can please your man." SEXIST MUCH? I wouldn't be with a guy in the first place that made me do everything, regardless of working or not. Its his daughter, not mine. I'm only 50% related to her but put 100% effort into taking care of her while he only does 0%. Ugh.. then I have to cook his food and clean for him to a lot. I don't think its fair. I'm tired of doing so much. I'm grateful to have a family, home, etc cause there was a time in my life when I had nothing & nobody hardly. Just now my mom walked in and said "you don't need to be sitting around, get your ass up and do some stuff". She thinks including me in doing a lot of stuff for everybody would cure my depression, but its actually made it worser. The suicide attempts were a thing of the past but now they're back again cause I want away from doing so much for everybody and not getting a thank you or anything in return. Sorry if this is all jammed together in a little rant. The point is.. my parents expect me to raise my sister and keep their own selves up at the same time to where I can't be myself or focus on my life. Oh.. I sound so whiny. Maybe I am a spoiled brat after all.. what do you think forum about all this? I know a lot of kids my age have to do more and handle it oddly well, but still. Thats them. I don't handle stuff like this well at all. v.v

 

I can't wait until my parents buy a gun someday. That'll be the day I leave the world and it'll be free from a whiny kid like me. v__v

 

I've thought the same thing about guns. But we have extremely strict gun laws over here, and you have to be 'mentally sound' for like 5 years prior(and at the point of application) if you want a gun license. Even funny rules like if a firearm is being transported in a vehicle it must be placed in a metal container fixed to the car(bolted to the floor somewhere in the boot etc), they can't go across state borders. You have to take them to a gun dealer to then take it to another gun dealer in the state you're going to...

Anyway lol, you're step-dad sounds like a wanker. Even though my mum might fit that stereotype(depends, she's had 5 kids and child care services are fucking wayyyy to expensive) she doesn't live to please her man. lol :blink:, dad has to pull his weight around the house and if he doesn't he'll end up hearing it from someone(or a fucking riot breaks out and we all go spaz hmy.

I don't know how housework etc can cure depression, but I guess it could work for some people. Just keeping their minds active or what ever. Not in my case lol. Something has to be very distracting(like a book or a movie that I can escape in) for it to keep my mind busy, otherwise I'll just fumble around while thinking like I usually do. But if I'm distracted(in a good way) I don't know that I am. although if i do realise I'm distracted I then go back to my regular thinking patterns(negative) lol.

That's one thing I worry about when I eventually tell my mum about my mental state...she'll probly want me to do some sought of outside school sports thing and she'll be like "but you could make friends or actually DO something for once". considering I find that whole phrase extremely triggering, it doesn't always help when she tries to help. Socialising/doing stuff costs money. Money I don't have. If I have the money the people piss me off or overwhelm me. This makes me feel negatively different, has though something is wrong with me(there must be though? if I consider suicide frequently?). I'm starting to think I'm bipolar or something because my moods seem to go really crazy...sometimes I'll be strangely happy and next I'm like 'holy fuck im just gonna go out and lie on the train tracks'.

lol ive obviously rambled so I'll get back to what you posted. Are you able to tell your mum your sick of caring for the baby all the time? I used to like kids, like the little baby ones lol. I still do, wouldn't mind having a kid one day(lol fucked if I know how I would go about getting one). I used to look after all my siblings when they were babies, before the world got to them and made them fucked up like the rest of us . By that point they're usually off on their own.

If the baby crawls into ur room or soemthing but pick it up and plonk it with your mother and be like "oh I found this crawling around the kitchen *drops baby on mother*" LOL. And if your doing something on your own or what not, give the baby to your step-dad. he should get involved with the kid because if the doesn't he'll seem like some random dick head.

 

Dang. I don't see why people like him are even allowed to be fathers. For example, the baby was crying just now and mom wanted to give me a break since I did talk to her about being so tired of taking care of her a lot earlier. She hands the baby to my step father and she says "talk to her while I get her a bottle" and he says "what the hell am I supposed to say to her?". Mom was like "ANYTHING" and he was like "Fuck this I rather pay child support". UGH. Though I do have to say that my mom should be more careful who she has a baby with. Our family members, including me, tried to warn her about him but she wouldn't listen to us. Before then they would argue 24/7 and he would go out and cheat. Hes done it 10 or more times by now probably. But yeah.. Housework does not help my depression at all. I want my mind settled on something thats fun and relaxing, like movies, music, etc. Stuff like that helps. My mom keeps telling me to play basketball and my step dad tells me to get a boyfriend. I don't want to play basketball and I don't want a boyfriend right now.

Also.. LOL @ last sentence you typed. I like doing stuff for my sister sometimes but not all the time.
Not to a point where I come in the door from school at 4PM and don't find myself alone in my room until late at night.
ALSO not to a point where when a best friend comes over, I have to babysit, do chores and cook instead of having total fun.
Though I didn't mind cooking since we were both hungry anyways.. :laugh:

 

OH MY GOD. I just have to come back and add this. Me and my friend are up, talking and having a good time and my mom says "why the fuck are you up at this hour?" & I'm like "cause its the weekend". Shes like "well you need to be in bed so you can get up and take care of your sister and do house work. God damn nobody but me does anything around here". Ugh. Why do I even bother ._.

 

I know what you mean about a gun. Because I've been committed I am never in my life time allowed to own a gun. It should be my choice the system can go fuck themselves, excuse my language. If I want to kill myself with a gun then it should be nobody's business but mine!!! kmj221

 

I don't want anybody else killing their selves with a gun
Though people taking away other peoples rights to own stuff is pretty controlling.