On the one hand, I don't really want to die right now. On the other hand, I can't stop casting around for methods. Like, when I'm out for a walk, I'll see a poisonous plant and wonder if that would be a good method (it wouldn't - too painful and risky) or I'll hear about a 19th century drug and wonder if I can make it, or I hear about a modern drug and wonder if I can get hold of it. Now I've worked out a painless method using something that would be easy to get hold of, and I kind of wish I hadn't. No, I haven't bought what I need.