Hey all, it's me....... I have been thinking about my husband and life with him, I love him and wanted it to work, but I didn't wanna live the rest of my life being scared/hurt/abused/drained of dignity/controlled and ect. I remember every now and then he wouldn't be hostile and hurtful, and he would talk to me, lay with me cuddled up and I told him more than I ever told anyone....as he started getting worse and worse, he would use things like you vowed to be my wife, I am sick, well if you didn't make me mad I.... :cry2: And he knew my safety was my dog, and his mother would take him away, lock him up or shut him in her room and he would threatend to do things to my dog.....after I left he would call me and always point out he sold my dog and that he had the only thing left of my grandfather who passed away... and tell me it was my fault, it always was, his parents would tell me "you are a Wilson, you can't leave or tell anything that happens". :hiding: His parents were supposid well-respected people to the ones that truely didn't know them, they were VERY secretive people and apearence was EVERYTHING to them. no matter what......things like...pushing me, dragging me down stairs, kicking me, throwing ashtrays, chairs, ripping my clothes dragging me across the wet grass while it was raining.......even threatend to run over me, destroy my grandfather's car. But.......he was my best friend, I confided in him until I go so scared of him, never knew when he'd flip out so much he couldn't control himself, he even tried stabing his parents and so on. his parents would always say, well you married him you vowed, it's your fault, if you wouldn't have been so slow at doing whatever he wouldn't have done that, he's sick, oh well it's over, don't worry he won't hurt you too bad...... :furious: it's amazing....... I still feel bad, like it's my fault, even though it isn't possible it is. I am starting to detest him, loathe him for what he's done, but love him and worry....you know he is the most menipulative person, on our annaversary he called and said he was killing himself because I ruined his life, obviously he isn't dead, also, well I am checking into a hospital and it's all your fault. but I feel scared, don't wanna be around anyone, terrified of absolutely everyone, attachment fears now, very leary of people especially men. and men ask me out and I say no and distance myself... :dunno: What's wrong wityh me? has anyone got anything from this? Am I just a little whiney person? does this really not matter? will it go away?:dunno: Please comment.......:hug: xxx I love you all, Carolyn.