Mixed rant. (Some good - some bad)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by meaningless-vessel, Aug 3, 2013.

  1. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    So... I got a number of things people don't like about me. I'd prefer to actually know but few have the decency to say.

    My family barely keep in touch (mum and sister excluded), and yes, I return that favour - I don't keep in touch in return - particularly when they have to go through others or bitch about my lack of communication.

    The friends i've made over the years, have all but 1 distanced themselves from me. Growing apart happens when lives entwine with romantic/social/hobby-based interests.

    Initiating contact is frequently left for me to do, so I get a bit peeved at that. It's not nice with any form of relationships being a one way street, be it family, or others I know. It gets boring, to be the one doing that.

    Anytime I try offering support in my own way - people generally don't approve. They don't like the truth but then again who truly does?

    I haven't been able to hold down a job continuously, often having unemployment breaks. I barely managed to scrape by and I hate living this way, but I guess I haven't found something I'm good enough at to not be criticised.

    Social life - what's one of them? Motivation to go places is limited more to what needs to be done. (Job appts, docs, hospital, interviews when arising etc). Why? I'm fed up of hearing the same verbal abuse lines - mixed up in phrases, but essentially about my looks or whatever else they can find. So I don't do more than I have to.

    All in all, some would say a fairly crap set up.

    But... my 1 real friend is my girlfriend of 8 months now. I don't give a monkeys what others think - I love her, and to the best of my knowledge, she loves me. She often says I deserve better, but how can I have better than feeling like I belong? Feeling like someone understands me? Feeling like I'm useful? Feeling like I'm, dare I say it, happy to be around her? Feeling that I'm accepted for being me? Feeling like I'm loved? Feeling like I'd jump through hoops on fire to protect her if I could? Feeling like every minute I spend with her could last for a day?

    I rarely let things stop me from being who I am. No-one else can live my life, if others don't like it, it's their opinion and that's fine. How am I going to be anyone else? It wouldn't work. Others can criticise what I say/do/think/feel or how I act. They can jump on me like a ton of bricks. But I know that no-one will force me to be someone I'm not. I have that handle of control, rather than allowing others to affect me for their opinion, and getting weighed down.

    If I allowed that to happen, I could risk being a lot worse than I already am. But I don't want to go there. So I'll keep living my life, my way.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2013