Mixture of relief and trepidation

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by foolnomore, Jun 16, 2011.

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  1. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    I have an appointment with my gp tomorrow morning and I am relieved that I made that appointment ,I fear she might just tell me off for wasting her time although she never has done in the past it is what I always fear .I know she will lecture me about smoking -she always does,I sometimes think should I be having a heart attack in front of her she will be lecturing about the smoking instead of getting an ambulance:tongue:
    I always feel awkward saying I am depressed again never mind that I am feeling suicidal,but this time I have gone for help before doing anything . I am not sure how she will take that,that it sensible or that I am not serious and just wasting time ?
    I think too much
     
  2. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    i think its really really good that you are going to your GP about this :hug: she won't mind and GP's have heard people say things like this unfortunately more times than we would imagine. its great that you are reching out for help and i really admire you for it :) :hug: let me know if i can be here for you if you ever need a person to listen
     
  3. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    I know you are right but I can't help having these irrational fears even though I know they are irrational!
    Thank you
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Do your best to be as honest with her as you can. That way, she will see the seriousness of how you're feeling. The more she knows, the more she can help you. And as Sparkle said, I'm here if you ever want to talk or just need someone to listen.
     
  5. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    I will,I am not a good liar :) I might hide my feelings alot but I do that by not talking or talking about trivia rather than being dishonest.
     
  6. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    I have hung on this long so I will make that gp's appointment. I would like to say the suicidal thouhgts and feelings have gone -they haven't .
    You people here are helping me to hang on though so thank you.
     
  7. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    I am very happy to hear that you will proceed with arranging the appointment. Regarding the suicidal thoughts, it is understandable that they won't leave you so soon - they need time/patience and work which i am sure you have all three tools.

    I want you to make sure you tell as much as you can to your GP, she will help you a lot if she knows everything. Also feel free to post here anything you want, its important for you to know that we're here for you.
     
  8. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Back from my GP and she has faxed the psych team and they will be in touch within 24 hours,she also told me to head for the hospital if I felt in danger and told me which one to go to . And she didn't lecture me about smoking which is a first :)
     
  9. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Thank you for keeping us up-to-date. I think you'll be fine and you won't feel in danger, i have faith in you!

    Well done for going to your GP, this is very positive.
     
  10. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Thank you
     
  11. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    As you can see, things are usually not as bad as the mind thought they would be...

    I feel you can see what's happening inside you very clearly. Maybe you are ready to develop your "hobby" of helping others into a non-physical dimension - such as spiritual dimension? Having a hobby itself can be very helpful...
     
  12. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Was seen by the home treatment team yesterday,so have got some support in place. They will visit me each day and I have a number to call 24/7 if I need to.I was given a sleeping pill for last night which helped me sleep for longer periods than usual .Next week I will see a psychiatrist who will review my medication because it is obviously not working right now.Once I am more stable and over this crisis they will be looking into some treatment/therapy whatever to help me deal with the depression.
    So although I am still very low and feeling suicidal there is light at the end of the tunnel Everyone I saw yesterday starting with my GP was lovely and so patient and helpful.
    You guys on here have been tremendous so thank you all
     
  13. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    I am really happy for you, you seem to be in good hands and you even have a number to call which is very helpful.

    I am very happy to hear from you that "there is light at the end of the tunnel" - this is very positive and hold onto this.

    Everyone you go to meet will show understanding/acceptance and their want to help.
     
  14. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Thank you. It is helping knowing there is someone impatial to talk to if I need to. It has also made it easier for me to tell my children what is going now I have taken steps to deal with it so they don't have to shoulder the burden alone ,the number is there and if they are concerned they have someone to call that will help.
     
  15. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Good, yes and anything you need both myself and many other forum members will be here to help you and you have the number to call 24/7.
     
  16. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Sitting here getting anxious about the visit. I was so glad to be offered help so quickly that I forgot about how anxious I get when anyone is coming to visit,I even pace about waiting for a parcel to be delivered when I know it could be anytime of the day! Still,it is occupying my mind and keeping it from worse thoughts.
     
  17. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm glad you have some support in place, and that the people you spoke to treated you well. I know the waiting is nerve-racking though!
    As Constantinos said above, here if you need anything! And way to go on taking those first steps, I think that can be the hardest part sometimes.
     
  18. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    I can understand you feeling nervous/stressed waiting for them - i am sure they will make you feel accepted and nice once they arrive. I think its also part of all humans to feel nervous/stressed when someone is coming to our house, because we're thinking things like: is the house clean, does the wall show that it was recently painted, etc etc etc.

    If you want update us on how the visit went!
     
  19. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Yes, "there is light at the end of the tunnel" - it's great to know that you can see it for yourself now :)

    One step at a time...it may not be easy, but maybe you can feel the whole universe is on your side now (and the forum is part of the universe)...

    Please always remember that you have a lot to live for...

    With loving wishes
     
  20. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Congrats Johnny - you done the right thing and its best to get help sooner rather than later when you might not be able to ask for it.

    And things were not as bad as you anticipated either.

    Thank God we live in England! I mean the free health service we have is a life saver - and I feel sorry for those whose struggle with depression is exasperated by the cost of it all.

    I hope this is the first step of many to recovery Johnny - hope you can have the confidence soon to be able to work things out and not let problems pile up to the point we see it as Mt. Everest.

    I used to live in London - a few places there - I see Edmonton had some peace march for the knife murders there. It's horrible when young people get dragged into the gang culture - but glad to see many young kids on the march.

    Anyhow, good luck Johnny - its good to hear you got treatment promptly - and that your GP never went into some anti smoking speech as you poured your heart out.

    Regards.
     
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