Mkay, let's do this. Long text, be ready.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Christina., Jul 26, 2011.

  1. Christina.

    Christina. Member

    Okay, so. There's this guy, Mathew. He's from Australia, whilst I'm from Europe. He's almost 18, I'm 15. We've known each other for 3 years, fell in love at first sight but never actually were more than friends. This year, we started dating, in April. We dated for 3 weeks. It was perfect. Until I went and cheated on him. I was drunk, first and last time in my life. He found out, from the guy I cheated on him with, my ex best friend. He was bragging about it on my facebook wall. D: Not even remembering it, I denied it happening, therefor to him, I lied. We broke up, I put up with him insulting me for 3-4 weeks. We didn't talk for 2 weeks, then decided to be friends. We tried dating again, then he cheated on me, said he wanted me to see how he felt. We broke up again, and once again, he was the one insulting me. Now, we're friends. He's dating a 13 year brat who doesn't even want him to talk to me. We talk, we're friends. We still love each other, after everything. I don't have a life, so internet is pretty much all I do/have. I have a lot of guy buddies on here, and a few best guy friends. With them, I act like we're married. He called me a flirt and said that he's not special to me, and that it's best if we stay friends. We still talk like lovers, due his decision. I love him so much, more than I know it would be possible for a human to love another. His the reason to everything. His every word controls my mind, how I feel, how I think, what I do. He made me start cutting, now I can't stop anymore. I basicly can't go a day without cutting at least a dozen times. Sometimes it's hard for me to stop the bleeding, and it's not even something I wanna do. I'm losing my mind. D: He cares, he wants me to stop cutting and be happy because I still have him. Don't tell me to try to get over him, it's pointless. Anyone got any advice? :sad:
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I have no prior relationship experiences to look back on, hence no advice from me unfortunately. With that said, I have a friend that has had a tough time going through something like this (your post screamed her name in my head right when I read it), and I'm sorry to read of others with similar experiences. Best wishes with everything xx and nice meeting you in SF chat.
  3. Christina.

    Christina. Member

    Yeahh, you told me in chat. ;o Nice meet you too! :] And yeahh.. Not many would be able to give the needed advice. ;/
  4. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member


    Sorry to hear of the situation you are in. There is one thing in your post which made me do a double take.. he is currently dating a 13 year old? And he is nearly 18? I'm sorry, but that doesn't seem right at all to me. Maybe you need to distance yourself from him.. he's clearly not having a positive effect on you, and he seems to like dating younger girls, which isn't appropriate given the age. I know it would be hard to distance yourself, but you are heading on a downward spiral right now, and it's only going to get worse if you stay in this situation.

    I hope this works out for you.
  5. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    ^ What she said!

    Anyway, have you even met him? If notm you can't really love him. People are completely different online and this guy sounds weird. I don't see any redeemng qualities.

    Also, if you're going to cheat after 3 weeks when things should still be amazing? Do yourself a favour and stay out of relationships for a while.
  6. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hey Christina,

    What the above posting peoples said might not be what you want to hear, but they make good points imo (except the "do yourself a favor and stay out of relationships for a while" part at the end might have been a bit much). But hey, I'm sure all were with your best interests at heart. :) Just my two cents!
  7. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    He is nearly 18 and is dating a 13 year old?!!! Omg... That's just wrong!!

    My advice? Don't give up. You know you're heart won't let you. We rarely feel true love for someone, so when we do, we must chase it with all we have. If you feel so strongly about this guy then keep telling him. Share your feelings. It's not the advice people would give, but from experience it's what I am sharing.

    The cutting? Maybe you should see a counsellor and share your feelings because it sounds like this guy is really in your head. You don't need that kind of pain hun. Have you tried distractions or different methods of self harm? Such as ice cubes, elastic bands ect?

    Please take care, love can be the best feeling ever but it can also destroy us, and for that reason, it is not always worth it :hug: xx
  8. Christina.

    Christina. Member

    She's 14, actually. I checked yesterday. ;o But still. @Rayne: I don't even remember it happen, because one thing's weird, my best friend, whom I supposivly cheated on him with, wasn't even with us at the end. And I wasn't drunk before he left. D: But yeah.

    Back to WEIT: I tried rubbers and all, ice cubes, ehh.. Too obvious. I do love him very much, and yes we've met once, he actually came to visit last winter, and stayed with us at the house. ;o My mom loves him, they talk to each other a lot too. Lmao, she ever told him to give him her pet rabbit if he wanted to. But yeah, I'm not gonna get distanced from him or step away from relationships, I simply can't get away from him. He's everywhere. And I can't get counceling without my mom finding out, and if she does I'm in big trouble. ;/ Recently I lost my best friend, my only friend IRL, which made me cut even more since I couldn't cope with the whole situation.
  9. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Have you tried Childline? If it wasn't for them I would of been dead long ago.

    They have a free phone number or an online chat service. They really do help. So that could be a way of counselling without anyone knowing? Check out the website hun

    They also have great articles and help about self harm :)And I respect your choice to keep fighting, you are very brave :) :hug: xx
  10. NiceGuYKC

    NiceGuYKC Well-Known Member

    I think you should stay friends with him. Then when your 18 and more mature, maybe start dating him again. You'll definitely know then, if he's the right guy for you.
  11. Christina.

    Christina. Member

    So, you're saying I should wait another 3 years just to find out what I already know? .__.

    I'm not in the UK, I can't do anything on that site. D:
  12. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Damn :( Is there not like an alternative of that kinda sevrice where you are?
    Have been thinking of you, hope your ok :hug: xx
  13. Christina.

    Christina. Member

    Not that I know of, but then again I never actually checked. 'Cause all I can do is ask my mom, and if she finds out, I'm dead. and Thankies, I'm kinda trying that Butterfly Project for cutters to kinda make me stop that, or at least do it less. I'll see how it works out. Thanks for the support. :hug:
  14. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I'm a fan of the Butterfly Project ever since you explained to me what it's about.


    Hope you find other resourceful sites like SF that allow people from your country!
  15. Christina.

    Christina. Member

    Haha, yeahh, I reckong the project is really cool so why not give it a try. And honestly, SF is actually helping me feel better. A lot better. Without it, I'd be sobbing in my bed for days.
  16. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Damn, I am sorry I can't be of more help, being stuck in the uk lol!

    I am glad this place helps :) And hope you are able to take some of that stress and just share it with us; it really does make things that bit easier.

    :hug: xx <3
  17. Christina.

    Christina. Member

    Yeah, this site does help a lot. Made me start the Butterfly Project. :]
  18. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    I'm sorry, but why is it exqctly you won't distance yourself from him? Because he's everywhere?
    Yu said he lives in Australia (where I am, as a matter of fact) and apart from the one time he visisted you at your house, what exactly is the form of communication that you use to keep connected? Social networking sites? instant messengers? They both require one thing: internet connection. If he makes you feel like cutting every day then your priorities are out of whack in saying that you don't want to distance yourself from him. What's the real reason? That it will hurt if you cut him out of your life and move on? Show yourself some tough love and cut him out, even if it does hurt not seeing and tlaking to him for a few weeks then months at a time - emotional hurt is just that - emotional and you will not be feeling it every day for the rest of your life, whereas cutting yourself is physical pain and will not only leave you bearing scars for the rest of yur life, but can leave you with permament nerve damage (personal experience there).
    If you want to stop cutting yourself and feeling the way you do every time you hear from him, then you NEED - not shouldn't - block and delete him from all of your social network pages, messenger services, do not cave and talk to him when he calls, otherwise yu are simply his slave and he uses your emotional bond against you.

    And the fqct thqt he is seeing a 14 year old when he himself is 18... you both should be glad that I do not know who he is, or I would have the police on him within 5 minutes of posting this. Pedopjile's like that belong in one plqce only - a gaol cell.
  19. Christina.

    Christina. Member

    Well the thing is, he makes me happy when we get along. He's an amazing person and he's simply the sweetest guys. It's me that always screws things up. We were practicly dying for each other for 3 years, and for my mistakes, we ended up fighting. He's 17, 18 in December. And I'm 15, 16 in January. I don't see it as a big age difference, since I myself prefer older guys and have dated a 21 year old. We've been spending a lot of time together lately, talking every day. The reason why I don't want to cut him out of my life? Because I, even at my young age, believe he's the guy I'm meant to be with. I'm a dreamer, I get hurt a lot, yes. But I believe in love, for some unknown reason. I kinda stopped cutting for now, due the Butterfly Project mentioned earlier. I'm feeling a lot better thanks to Mr. Alex and Alaska girl from this site/chat. I owe them a lot.