I met her in the 2nd grade, had not seen her since we graduated high school together in 86. We became FB friends last Dec and started seeing each other in late Jan. In late April this year we were engaged. In August she moved in with me and we were to be married Dec 5. Oct 12 she killed herself <mod edit - methods> in our bedroom. I found her about 15 minutes after, it was horrible. I am forever scarred by what I saw. I knew she was on anti-depressants because of the loss of her son in May of 2010. She never told me she was bipolar. Several of her family members told me afterwards. I knew nothing of BPD or how to recognize the symptoms. I do now. This wonderful woman was a BSN RN, had a genius level IQ and beautiful inside and out. The details of the whole situation after her suicide only worsen my loss. Some her family, the very ones who knew of her condition, told me they were sorry it happened "on my watch" (their words) I cant see myself ever getting over this. I reached out to her family the very next day, for us to be with each other for comfort and just to grieve together. Her two brothers and one sister tried to talk to me, however her surviving son (she had two) immediately tried to blame me, with her bitter ex-husbands approval of course. So the rest of her family has distanced themselves from to keep her son happy. I guess that's family for you, stick together. Left me completely out however. I've been to counseling and after a month I finally got on some meds. Its been two months now and the meds don't seem to be helping as much. The counselor helped at first now its just yada yada yada our times up, see you next week. I could live a hundred lifetimes and never find another who could make me that happy. Why??????