Mo anam cara

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Newt, Dec 10, 2012.

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  1. Newt

    Newt New Member

    I met her in the 2nd grade, had not seen her since we graduated high school together in 86. We became FB friends last Dec and started seeing each other in late Jan. In late April this year we were engaged. In August she moved in with me and we were to be married Dec 5. Oct 12 she killed herself <mod edit - methods> in our bedroom. I found her about 15 minutes after, it was horrible. I am forever scarred by what I saw. I knew she was on anti-depressants because of the loss of her son in May of 2010. She never told me she was bipolar. Several of her family members told me afterwards. I knew nothing of BPD or how to recognize the symptoms. I do now. This wonderful woman was a BSN RN, had a genius level IQ and beautiful inside and out. The details of the whole situation after her suicide only worsen my loss. Some her family, the very ones who knew of her condition, told me they were sorry it happened "on my watch" (their words) I cant see myself ever getting over this. I reached out to her family the very next day, for us to be with each other for comfort and just to grieve together. Her two brothers and one sister tried to talk to me, however her surviving son (she had two) immediately tried to blame me, with her bitter ex-husbands approval of course. So the rest of her family has distanced themselves from to keep her son happy. I guess that's family for you, stick together. Left me completely out however. I've been to counseling and after a month I finally got on some meds. Its been two months now and the meds don't seem to be helping as much. The counselor helped at first now its just yada yada yada our times up, see you next week. I could live a hundred lifetimes and never find another who could make me that happy. Why??????
     
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  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Im sorry hun for you loss dam illness took her away hun i wish the family had be more open with you but saying that i don't think it is anyones fault hun the illness just took over

    Time to change your therapist ok one the does help that does listen one that deals with grief hun You should not have to go through this alone hugs
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Family members always express grief in different ways - regardless of circumstance- and not always the positive or helpful way to themselves or others. This is part of the grieving process - anger. In the given situation I am certain that is multiplied by a factor of 100. The reason is as simple as you final word - all are asking themselves "why" and are desperate for an answer, and lacking an answer that will never be there or be understood they make there own answer as to why. People that are in a dark enough place to commit suicide never realize the ramifications of their actions - as evidenced by the literally hundreds of threads on here proclaiming nobody will care despite abundance of evidence to the contrary in their own lives, in the threads here similar to yours, and in the loved and lost forum. The fact is quite simply the person has lost the ability to care about themselves so they decide nobody will care and it makes them feel better about a very bad decision.

    I cannot answer why it came about obviously - and to be honest the why it came about is a academic as opposed to practical question at this point - it did , it is done and cannot be changed. The practical question is not why, but rather "what now".
    The counselling can help given time, and med support can help in the short term as well - but the simple fact is after only 2 months it is very very normal and acceptable to still be struggling to deal with it and to be asking why. It would be alarming if you were not. Does not make it easier but is still true. This is not the time for being concerned about what will happen months or years from now in regards to other possible relationships- deal with now- the present- and let next month and next year wait until they occur....

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
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