moaning about myself again *trigger??*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, May 5, 2007.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    you know what, i decided to make one post saying everything i feel about myself cos even I'm getting sick of hearing myself moan now :mad:

    so atm...

    i know why it happened. im stupid. very clever and stupid dont go do they. very clever and also quite clever..well, goes much better together. i understand it now, makes perfect sense. too stupid for my own good.

    im fat. yea, might not be a big deal to some of you but it is to me. so, eat less? yeah, tried that. guess im a pig too eh. i used to be able to do it. lost 4st in a little over 6months once. and now, now i am the size of a fucking house, and dont seem to have the energy to do anything about it. used to stop eating/make myself i just whinge about it and eat more. :sad:

    i hate that my coping methods are so bad. cutting and od'ing. and how hard on lean on certain people. and as wrong as it is for me to say it, i wouldnt be here if it wasnt for them. i just wish i could deal with things by talking about them, or getting help, or..or..or..i dont know what, but not by cutting anyways. :mad:

    i havent been out of the house for erm..over a week.well not true, i HADNT been out of the houe for a week then HAD to take my nan hospital on thursday, and now i havent been out agian since. i dont wanna face anyone. i wanna sleep the whole time. if visitors come in i try to escape upstairs. my mum keeps wanting to have a talk with me and i cant. i just dont wanna be around anyone.

    i get up in the morning, (ok, lunchtime most days) and i dont get dressed unless i HAVE to. why? lazyness? no, because i hate finding something to wear. i hate looking in my wardrobe and seeing clothes that dont fit. i hate putting things on that are supposed to cover the horrible bits, and instead they make them worse. i hate wearing the same baggy tops and jeans most of the time, just because they hide me. :cry:

    i hate not being able to wear certain clothes cos of my arms. i hate my scars. i cant even look at them most days. i hate them. I HATE THEM.

    i cant type anymore atm. am on skype and so close to crying, dont want to do that, cant do that. i might post more later. sorry. :hug:
  2. lean on me anytime sam, eveyone is here for you. :hug: i no what its like to stay in everyday when you cant, just cant, face the world. to hate your body, to not eat, to feel stupid. alot of people no what it's like. your not alone sweetie.
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Darling, Sarah's right, your not alone in feeling like this. A hell of a lot of people feel the same way as you do about themselfs, myself included. In fact i think the majority of people do.

    I was debating about wether to reply to this or not cos i know ya asked me not to shout at ya :tongue: but i wanna support you in anyway i can, hence why im writing this reply.

    Regarding the skype thing, it's ok to cry on skype, especially with me. I know the feeling of not wanting to but trust me hun, its fine. I've done it enough times to know. Remember when i was talking to you about my brother and dad?? i started crying then, i would of come of skype at that point but i felt comfortable in you being there. If you ever feel the need to cry then don't feel like you have to hold it back for the simple fact that your on skype, cryings good and means your not keeping things in that build up and bug ya for a long time. If you don't feel comfortable in me or anyone else hearing your cry then just ask to leave the call for a bit or gone on mute. It's not a problem.

    I'm here anytime you wanna talk.

    **runs to Northampton and pokes ya in the bed eye** :tongue:

    Loves ya x
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thanks both :hug: it means a lot :hug:

    And Vikki, That hurt :eek:hmy: :tongue:
  5. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    ty sam.i didnt know much about you.
    hay if we dont moan about ourselves no 1 else will my in the same position about leaving the house,for different reasons,sitting here now in pjs again.and listen we all meed people to lean on,to share good and bad,please dont ever feel bad about that,you all have become a little family to me and i would worry if things arent shared
    here ok
    loads of love
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thank you Sarah honey. I know it seems like I moan alot but the truth is that I actually find it quite hard to be honest about certain things to do with myself and that post was quite hard to write :hug:
  7. starlight2006

    starlight2006 Well-Known Member

    Sam you would be surprised to know how many people feel like that. The things you say about getting dressed and wearing baggy tops etc are how i feel too - i just never really talk about it. I dont have n e solutions for you hun, but at least if you moan and write about on here, it occupies you for that bit longer - you arent taking it out on urself. And that is always a good thing. I hope you can feel better about going out etc soon, coz there is a whole world out there :hug: