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Moderate depression

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At least according to the Burns checklist... scored a 46. Well, I know it could be worse. And I'm not sure how accurate my answers were... I always have trouble with those scales. But I think moderate describes it well... I'm just worried that it's moderate now, but I bet if I'd taken if a couple months ago it would have been mild... and it's moving the wrong way.

So, well, that's why I'm here. Trying to get this thing turned around.

There's a ton of factors involved here, family problems, work problems, social issues, financial, medical... frankly, thinking about all that, I wonder if I fudged on the test a little! Or maybe it's just my cheery disposition keeping me moderate instead of severe for the moment.

I did have a sort of revelation this morning about the importance of forgiveness. (This was after seeing the movie Invictus recently, which was rather uplifting, I thought.) I've spent so much of my time hating others and myself, sometimes for actual wrongs, but often enough (or really, way too often), for semi- or fully-imagined wrongs... and I really felt a great weight lifting off when I said to myself I forgive my ex for this and I forgive myself for that, and so on and so forth... as I kept going, I realized I'd held some grudges 20 years and forgotten all about them until I'd brought them up doing this.

I do wonder how "real" my forgiveness was... I'm sure I'll need to repeat this or the forgiveness will be forgotten!
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