Modern society are not made for people with social anxiety

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by InMyMind, Jun 7, 2012.

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  1. InMyMind

    InMyMind Member

    People just don't get how hard it is for us to just talk to someone and ask information or follow all of their formalities to get papers, documents or whatever. It's basically a torture just to do what everyone can do without even thinking. Nobody understand us. They look at us like we are stupid, crazy or just don't want to cooperate. It's not that we don't want, but we can't. It's too hard.

    I know I have personnally wanted to scream at some people for pushing me while I was very anxious and making everything worse. I just don't like to "freak out" in public or show my emotions so I can't even explain to them why I act like I do. I have to shut up and basically concentrate all my energie to not cry(I cry when I'm anxious. -___- ) or break down. Or I just run away without explaining anything and people get even more mad and I'm in trouble. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of nobody understanding and making everything worse. I'm angry at everyone for making things so hard. I'm angry that our sociaty is made for people who have no difficulties socializing. I get that we are the one who have to adapt and not them, but it's still make me mad. I'm also angry at myself for being so afraid of everything, but right now my anger is more toward everyone who don't understand ,really. It's kind of a nice change to not hate myself too much tho.

    So what do you think ? Am I the only one who think that society is really not made for us ? Am I the only one who is angry at people for making what is already difficult for us even harder ?
  2. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    You're right, modern society is based around this idea that everybody is social and comfortable with themselves in social situations. It's nearly impossible to do even the simplest things, like find a job, when you have crippling social anxiety. I think the internet has been helpful in a lot of ways for social anxiety sufferers, but I still had to force myself to confront my anxieties in order to deal with day to day life. I've come a long way from being as shy and uncomfortable as I used to be, but it was a painful process, and so far it's only yielded mixed results. Yes, I'm now able to do a lot of these ordinary things without feeling anxious - but at the same time, I still come across awkwardly, and I'm still too shy to initiate conversations with total strangers unless I have a valid reason. It's just something you have to keep working at, and you have to expect that people are going to be harsh with you... eventually it gets easier once you become numb to their criticism.
  3. InMyMind

    InMyMind Member

    Yeah, that's my mistake I think. I don't always expect that people are gonna be harsh with me. A part of me think they will understand and be nice to make it easier for me. I'm gonna make it my next goal to stop thinking that. Maybe then I will stop being so angry.

    These past weeks I have begin to confront my anxiety. I do thing that I'm afraid of or that I find difficult once or twice a week. For the little thing it has been ok, but the bigger thing.... I always end up trying to not to cry, being angry, hating myself because I'm a coward, wanting to hurt myself or even kill myself. And it doesn't get better. I just get worse and worse. It's like to be better one day I have to feel really bad for a long time. I'm sorry, but I'm starting to lose hope in myself. I don't think I have the strength to do it.

    Anyway thanks for your reply.
  4. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. You can't expect that most people are going to be nice, because in the real world, most people aren't nice. That's a lesson I learned early in life. When you come across as being awkward, they oftentimes don't realize it's due to social anxiety; they just assume that you're weird or on drugs or something. So-called normal people don't experience fear or anxiety in social situations, so they don't understand how this can affect somebody's ability to interact. If you, say, stutter or freeze up, a lot of people will just assume that you have some sort of mental disorder, because these are things that socially confident people have never experienced. Panic attacks and an awkward gait are other signs that other people will misinterpret. I used to get teased a lot in school because of my awkwardness, and the teasing only made me even more self conscious until I learned to ignore it. That's really what you have to do, you have to realize that most people are jerks, and stop caring what they think of you. I know it's a difficult thing to do, but trust me, the less worried you are about how others will react to you, the more comfortable you will become and other people will notice this. As you gain confidence, people will start to treat you better.

    Unfortunately that's the only way - you have to find the strength to stand tall and be proud and comfortable with yourself in spite of how others may judge you. As long as you are overthinking it, anxious, stressed, worrying about how others will perceive you, people will almost always give you a negative reaction. This is something you just have to learn to accept and push on through in spite of it. Trust me, if you can find a way to be strong and ignore that negativity, you will slowly start to break out of the social anxiety cycle. It may require the help of medication in some cases - I think they do have prescriptions for Social Anxiety Disorder now that will help keep you calm and comfortable. Something that is oftentimes not talked about is the fact that alcohol has long been used as a way for people to cope with fears and social anxiety. Social anxiety is not a new phenomenon... there's a reason why alcohol is commonly referred to as "liquid courage", because for many people, it allows them to be comfortable enough to socialize in situations where they might otherwise be the wallflower. I'm not saying you should take up a drinking habit, of course... definitely talk to your doctor first to see if there's a safer alternative that will ease your social fears if you are unable to overcome them yourself.
  5. InMyMind

    InMyMind Member

    I am on medication so alcool is not an option. I am tired of trying anyway. Maybe I'm just not strong enough. I don't know. I just know that I'm tired of feeling bad.
  6. RumoursOfMyDemise

    RumoursOfMyDemise Well-Known Member

    I feel like I could have written this myself. You're right - society generally expects people to be highly socially competent. If you're not, you get treated like a child or like a complete freak. I think that unless you do have severe, disabling social anxiety, it's very hard to see how massive an impact it can have on pretty much every aspect of life. Other people seem to think that we simply don't make the effort - they don't realise that we have to and do make more of an effort than anyone at these things. They don't realise the incredible amount of courage and energy it takes to do the things that some people can do without even thinking. And so if you deviate from the norm when it comes to social skills, then you're seen as apt to be labelled a weirdo, stupid, crazy, or however their ignorant minds see fit. TheLoneWolf is right - it's hard, but I think if we're ever going to overcome this, we have to learn to just stop listening to or caring about other people's negative views of us. The biggest mistake I've made in life is letting what other people think of me change the way I think and feel about myself. Stupidity and weirdness have been big ones. I have been told that I am stupid and weird so many times and for so long that I've started to believe it myself. The people who said that about me, and the people who bullied me - they're the stupid and ignorant ones for not understanding that not everyone finds social situations as easy as they do, and for not understanding that my apparently odd behaviour was due to anxiety. Like Wolf said, a lot of people are assholes, and most are extremely ignorant when it comes to this sort of thing. As long as we can accept and love ourselves then no one else's opinion matters. Personally, I think this is the summer that makes it or breaks it for me.

    Congrats on taking steps to try and overcome your anxiety. You say that things only seem to get worse. I feel exactly the same way, but I think the most important thing is to keep at it and not give up. If we keep putting ourselves in these situations, they're bound to feel less daunting eventually. It may take a long time for us to feel more comfortable, but we have to persist. It's not that you're not strong enough, it's just that it's so very tough. I hope things get better for you soon. Feel free to PM me about social anxiety related stuff. :) Good luck.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 10, 2012
  7. InMyMind

    InMyMind Member

    Thank you for your reply. It's nice to see that I'm not alone. I am trying to continue facing my anxiety, but I just get tired very fast and every bad experience I have doing it make me more anxious to do it again because I don't want to feel bad again. Basically I know that if I want to be let's say "normal" and function in society one day I have to feel bad for a long time. Anxiety take a lot of times to go away so I may feel bad for years before I am finally a "good sociable citizen". It just discourage me. Why can't I just be happy alone in my own world while I'm still alive ? Anyway I think there is a high risk that I end up killing myself if I keep facing my anxiety. For now I control myself and try to focus on positive things, but one day I'm afraid that it's not gonna be enough. One day I might just not stop myself from doing it. The tought of killing myself doesn't even bother me that much. I don't think that's good. *Sad laugh*

    But still I'm gonna keep trying because I don't know what else to do and I'm tired of people judging me for doing nothing.
    ps:I think it's ironic that social anxiety come from fear of what people think, but if I didn't care about what people think I would not even try to face my anxiety because I would not care if people judge me for being different.
  8. RumoursOfMyDemise

    RumoursOfMyDemise Well-Known Member

    If the only reason you want to change and to face your anxiety is because of other people judging you, then you might as well ignore the assholes. People will always judge you, even if you don't have social anxiety. If you're trying to change, it should be because YOU want to, not because of what other people think. If people are treating you like crap simply because of your anxiety, then they're the ones with the real problem. If you prefer to be alone and facing the anxiety is making you feel worse then it might be best to have a break from it for a bit until you feel better and more more able to face your fears. Obviously it's all relative. I think you have to figure out what's best for yourself (in terms of your own mental health and happiness) overall.
  9. InMyMind

    InMyMind Member

    I know that in the long term the best would be to face my anxiety and be done with it. I want to be better. The thing is everytime I tried I ended up in a very bad place. Very depress, suicidal... And it's happening again right now. I even took a little break (a couple of days doing nothing too stressfull) , but I'm still feeling depress. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I want to get better, but at the same time I don't think I'm strong enough to do it.
  10. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I know it might sound hard for you to believe, but you can overcome your social anxiety. It took me many years... I used to be so bad that I would get nervous and nauseous just walking into a room filled with strangers - a new school, a new job, or even just being in a busy public place... and now? I actually got up and did a presentation in front of my coworkers the other day - not only was I not nervous or nauseous, but I was actually comfortable standing up there and speaking. I had zero fear... I thought I was going to be nervous, but I wasn't. It was the first time I can ever remember being in a situation like that and not worrying about what I might say or do to embarrass myself. I wish I had been that comfortable back when I took speech class - I probably would have gotten a much better grade.
  11. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    you're absolutely right. Society is made for extroverts, and not introverts.

    The best way to oversome SA is to take baby steps. If you take on too much at one time, you get overwhelmed and you run away. Start with the little things and then work your way up.

    My SA is pretty bad, and I hate it when my parents make me do things that they know I don't want to do. You need to be motivated to get better, and you should have a support team as well. It makes all the difference.
  12. Zardo

    Zardo Banned Member

    I'm diagnosed with social anxiety, it's one of the main reasons I hate my life and feel suicidal I suppose. Also lots of regrets and depression over missed chances plus embarrassment and shame from years of avoidance. I hate being me, there is really no point any more.
    My life isn't about to get any better now I'm in my 30s with no previous relationships, no friends to see and talk to. No damn job because no one wants an outcast like me.
    I just have to try and make the best of this existence somehow. I'm just so alone now and really see no reason to live apart from staying around for my parents sake.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 1, 2012
  13. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Make that two buddy :)

  14. red ribbons

    red ribbons Well-Known Member

    Well, at least we have connections via the internet. Helps a bit with social anxiety. We can get our toes wet with other people:)
  15. ryan2012

    ryan2012 Member

    Try focusing on uplifting emotions/thoughts, research the different emotions, study them, become interested in experiencing them. Love, happiness, peace, patience; all words that you will have heard of before, but do you really understand them?

    It is the base emotions: fear, anger, hate, envy that cause anxiety. Focus on changing your emotional mood and thoughts. Don't let your experiences in this flawed society get you down.
  16. paul1990

    paul1990 Active Member

  17. paul1990

    paul1990 Active Member

    Social Anxiety isn´t new phenomenon and it has been here for centuries. It´s basically about being different than the others, which is never good for you, no matter of age, century, country, culture, religion or political regime. Fitting in and sheep-like following the rest is the kind of way to make friends and integrate yourself into society easily and always used to be.

    Speeking about that it´s the mainly modern society that isn´t for SA people is still however partially true, because IMO nothing like the modern technologies increased the SA more. I think it isn´t difficult to avoid contact with people today, than in the past. And now it´s the same modern society that made such a huge growth of the SA, that treats us like freaks.

    Again like I said, the SA isn´t here since yesterday, so it´s not faul of today´s society of it´s existence, but sure it´s responsible for it´s development, because if the most effective way to lower your SA problems (if not eliminate them entirely) is social contact with other people, than it´s nowdays world is a really wrong place for SA treatement.
  18. Throwmeawayout

    Throwmeawayout Active Member

    The only way I have been able to overcome what you're describing is by taking it one task at a time, and then acknowledging the 'accomplishment' to myself once I'm done. I feel like a ridiculous child for mentally praising myself for doing things that others take for granted, but it's the only successful method I've found so far.

    Otherwise I let myself fall into the pit of despair by letting all these mundane necessities pile up until they are unmanageable. Then I really do have a problem to worry about.
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