Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Terry, Nov 18, 2010.

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  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Right just to fill in the gaps, Mole (beloved son) has finally agreed to get some help for his social phobia.
    We duly went down the docs (lovely man) and doc is arranging a psychiatric evaluation.
    Now here's the problem, if anyone here has had dealings with psych units they will know how hellish long you wait for an appointment.
    So its been a week and an a half and already the Mole is showing signs of backing out SIGH!
    Anyone got any suggestions as to how I keep him wanting help till it arrives?
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Just keep reminding of how life is when you don't have an anxiety problem. All the things that won't be a struggle if he gets treatment.
  3. Darkness Inside

    Darkness Inside Account Closed

    Im feelin buzzed at uhh 17 yrs old but uhh if you want your son to feeel good, ask him what he wasnts to do idk buy a game? let jhim choill?
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Keep plugging away at getting an earlier appt..Reassure him that he needs the help and that you are on his side..
  5. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    This is a tough one because of social phobia's nature: the appointment probably terrifies him. I'm not sure how to force it, it might be best to let it drop until the date approaches so he doesn't have to worry about it the whole time. When the appointment comes around do anything you need to to get him to attend the first appointment: bribes, flattery, threats, anything (ehhh... maybe not threats), and then after he does the first one he should be less worried about them.
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just checking in to see how things are going...hope he continues to be cooperative...J
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Well so far so good, did what everyone suggested, concentrated on the positives of going etc.
    Told him it might be a bit of a wait :dry: so to shelve worrying about it till it happened, seems to have accepted that and is now making himself get up at regular times, showering regularly and helping out a bit round the house ( a fecking first :laugh:)
    Only downside to whole thing is my washing machine is threatening to leave home as amount of washing has tripled.
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    So glad to hear that Terry...he is so fortunate to have you...I will be thinking about both you of...big hugs
  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Sooo the psych social worker came today and did Mole's assessment.
    Mentioned I seemed to be over protective mum....knew it was coming, cos's true :laugh:
    Mole was great, handled the whole thing really well and has agreed to seeing Cognitive behaviour therapist.
    Now at this point I should be doing cartwheels of delight, the fact that I'm not has had me analyzing myself for the better part of the day.
    I DO want Mole to have a normal life, job/career, girlfriend etc. but there is this tiny bit of me that doesn't want change, that can't let go I guess.
    Has left me feeling awful actually, the thought that I may have colluded with his illness is just too horrible to contemplate.

    Anyone else found themselves in this situation?
  10. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I've been in HIS position. My mom has definitely aided my social phobia and continues to... It's mutual fault, though. I shouldn't ask, she shouldn't oblige me. But I'm scared and she's, well, my mother.

    You've saved him a lot of suffering but made him more dependent on you... But he'll be getting help now and I'm quite sure his therapist won't let him get away with leaning on you.
  11. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Everyone has T...the fact that you recognize it and admit it shows how truly evolved you are and how much you care for your son...we all have conflicting thoughts and behaviors...and there is nothing wrong with a little spoiling as long as it does not hold both of you from doing what you want/need to...please be kind to yourself as you deserve it...big hugs
  12. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Mums protect their kids - it's our job to do that. It's also our job to let them go and you are recognising that. Mole (love that name) will get support to become independent of you and that will be hard for you - what support will you have?
    Good luck to you both x
  13. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Thanks everyone :biggrin:
    Have been up most of the night going over this, time has come to be what he needs not what he wants.
    Meet the new "tough love" mum, well as tough as I can manage :laugh: so will be a marshmallow instead of custard :laugh:

    And AOEU, have you thought to tell her?
    My son leans on me all the time and I havent had the *cough* balls to make him stand on his own, in some ways it was easier to just coast along.
    I wish I hadn't coasted along but the only advice I ever got was "throw him out" and there was no way I could be that tough.
    Have an honest chat with her, I only wish my son had opened up earlier. :hug:
  14. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    She knows I do. I've been working on it for myself for a while, though. But bipolar disorder is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me for social anxiety. For instance, I moved 2600km away from home during a manic phase and I was forced to adapt. I'm still shy of phones, so when I needed a pain clinic back home I had her call... Though there was the practical reason of long distance, the main reason was shyness.

    WALSTIB New Member

    My brother is in a similar situation.

    If it wasn't for my Mom, I don't know where he would be.

    Keep on Keeping on. You are a special person.
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