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Mom Stress

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ThoseEmptyWalls, Jul 5, 2010.

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  1. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    To a lot of people this will just sound silly but my mind really is in over drive depression trying to deal with it... My son starts school next month - kindergarten, his first time ever being in school. Hes five years old but acts like hes three. I have so much worry and stress. Today I bought his back pack and all the things he will need (like note book, glue, pencils, ect). Im doing my best to be calm and polite. Im trying to get him to talk clear and plain, use the bathroom without help, dress himself without help, ect. Im trying to get him to get to bed at a decent hour and wake up earlier (to help get ready for the early hour wake up that will be required to get to school on time). Hes crying and bawling like a little baby. Hes stressing me out so bad. I just know I will be badly embarassed when he starts crying like a two year old in school. Im worried he wont make friends with kids in his own grade, wont be able to eat lunch at school, use the bathroom without help, talk clear enough for the teachers to understand, and what not. Im afraid he will miss his bus when its time to come home. Im afraid he wont learn the material.. Im at my wits end dealing with his crying and baby behavior. Its killing me to remain calm and talk quietly. Its hard not to show my frustration to him. I dont know what to do. His doctors say theres nothing mentally wrong with him.. Hes laying in bed now crying begging me to let him sleep in my room.. Im crying too because I cant deal with it. I try to ignore it and it makes me upset (and him). I indulge the behavior and it just gets harder to break the behavior when I try again.. All I wanted was a happy, healthy, smart, and normal child. I feel like monster mom sometimes because I actually feel cheated.. I ended up with a kid whos way behind others in his age group (despite my trying and my whole family trying to help him learn). Doctors say hes perfectly normal mentally... But still I have this whiny baby in a five year olds body.. I try to hoover over him and protect him.. I try to let him be independent in things I know I wont be able to do for him when hes in school. I try to correct him calmly and patiently.. I feel like shit that Im failing...
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    please don't be so hard on yourself...you sound like a typical caring Mum to me with a typical 5 year old.....
    your post brings back memories of when my kids started school and all the same worries.....
    sounds like you're doing all the normal things preparing him and once he gets to school everything will hopefully fall into place....once he interacts with the other children I'm sure he will be fine......
    I worked with children and they would cling and cry when the parent was there and 10 seconds after the parent left they were fine.....
    good luck ...:hugtackles:
  3. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    I hate to admit it but I think hes learning impaired. I have thought if since he was very small but no one agreed with me. You know it took until about six months ago to fully potty train him - now hes starting to go in his pants again. He was walking by six months but talking was very slow - its still difficult to understand a lot of what hes saying. Hes very emotional and cries at almost everything. If you correct him he will scream and cry (sometimes for around half hour). His doctor decided to have him tested by some sort of specialist but we couldnt go - it was almost 2oo miles away (one way). No one comes locally for genetic testing or child neruo (whatever it was called) and thats what he wanted to send us for.. I had him starting to read, knew his alphabet and would recite it to me ever day, knew a lot of his numbers - now he struggles with anything past five, he cant read not one word, and cant tell me any of his alphabet. His colors and shapes hes still holding onto just fine. He knows the names of the family members and what town we live in but cant learn phone numbers or address. Im pretty sure thats not normal?
  4. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to post again. This morning I done the hard thing and called the school board to ask about testing for him. I need to get copys of medical records and take him to a school screening next month. Then we will go from there. Im not telling my mom or grandma unless there turns out to be a problem. Its my job to make sure he gets the best chance he can and having him evaluated will do that. I need to put aside my embarassment and find out what I can do to help him catch up and do well in school. Even if theres not a problem its better to be safe and have him tested then sorry and not when there turns out to be a problem later on.
  5. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    He is just starting school with Kindergarten?

    I remember going to preschool for two years before that.

    At any rate there's not much to REALLY do but see how it turns out at school.
  6. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    I'm not a mom, but I do know this stage is VERY hard for both you and your son. He feels your stress, too. Don't blame yourself, it's natural for the change to be difficult.

    Testing is a good, wise thing to do. And no need to tell anybody. It's between you guys right now.

    Just watch what happens and take things slowly and as patiently as you can.

    My niece was having a terrible time and they kept telling them she was learning disabled. But, they knew it wasn't true. Turned out that they didn't test her eyes or ears properly. Her eyes were so strained that they were out of shape and severely painful. She couldn't see a darn thing! She just needed glasses and she doesn't hear well.

    That didn't solve everything, so they kept puzzling and whammo, found out she was being bullied. He was even punching her in the face! She never told. But it made her behave very badly at home and in school.

    None of this is to scare you. Not at all. It's just to show that there are lots of things to consider, along with just plain stress of change. When you have him tested, have his eyes and ears tested, too. Very simple, but critical.

    The best thing is, you're supportive. Keep holding on and both of you will do fine. You sound like a normal mom to me. Tired, worried, stressed and loving. You want the best and you're going to fight for it. But, it takes it's toll on you and it's ok to cry over that.

    Keep up th good momming! I'm thinking of you...
  7. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Thank you Ema.. I was feeling terrible for even thinking that he had a problem. But I have always tried to be really realistic when it comes to my little guy. I know that Im probably blowing it way out of proportion but Id ruther get the testing done and see what happens. I know hes not on the same level as other kindergarten students (and for who asked - kindergarten starts elementary school..The county doesnt have 3 yr old program and prek I said no to because it isnt required and would of been to stressful for him bc of health issues). I know there are some logical reasons for his problems that arent even related to learning disabilities but Id like to find out (that way learning disability is ruled out and we can work on it from there). His hearing is fine (just had it checked). His eye site wasnt tested because he cant read the letters and wouldnt cooperate with the nurse when she put up a shape chart instead. Im really hoping its not a learning problem but I need to rule it out for my own peice of mind (my husbands father was learning disabled from what I hear).. Maybe my sons just spoiled..Maybe the fact he plays with a mentally impaired 12 year old whos mental age is three has something to do with his problems right now.
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I think that's a good idea...won't do any harm to find out one way or the other..
    You are a very caring Mum....good luck...
  9. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    Maybe he is learning disabled. You know, that's OK!!

    Sure, it makes it tough for both of you, but if you know now, you are prepared and can find the right tools and people to get you through. Knowing now will help him learn from the start.

    Maybe he's not learning disabled. That's ok, too. Maybe he's just slower. Everybody blooms in their own time.

    You're doing a good job and he will be ok. Both of you

    Hopefully, once things settle and a pattern develops, things won't be so stressful.

    Starting school, no matter what learning level, is hard on everybody!

    Want a laugh? My brother's little girl will be starting kindergarten this fall. It's going to be harder on him than her! Anyway, she knows her alphabet, but always leaves "j" out. If you ask her why, she will tell you the j is on vacation! :smile:

    It's going to be ok.
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