momentary relapse

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by GreyCat, Jan 11, 2011.

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  1. GreyCat

    GreyCat Well-Known Member

    I've been taking Lexapro for about 6 weeks, it started working very quickly, its taken away the depression very effectively. I just feel normal. Really normal. Not numb, I still get teary eyed watching tv, but I'm really myself again, its really working. Today I had a relapse, just for a few minutes.

    I was flooded with self hating thoughts, panic, a need to run away and hide from the people around me, I was thinking about hitting and stabbing at myself because for some reason the thought of it calms me when I feel like I'm going to scream. I was freaked out, I thought it was going to escalate, that I was going to be back in that raw twisted feeling of having a huge knot in my throat, my chest, my belly. that feeling of never being able to relax, of hating everything I say and do and wishing fate would take the decision from my hands and just fucking kill me.

    But it didn't, it flared up for a second but then it was gone again and I felt alright.

    I really hope the meds dont stop working. I wonder if I need to up the dosage. I still feel a thousand times better than I did before. I hate this depression. I hate it so much. I hate the thought that its all chemical. That I would be perfect if I could just be me without this fuck up in my head. I don't want it to last forever, and I dont want to be on antidepressants forever. Now that I've been reminded of how I can be when I'm not depressed I really don't want to go back to it ever and today freaked me out a bit. I've been happier in the last month than I have been for years and years.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I would definetly bring up what happen to your doctor okay get this problem looked at now. I am glad the medication has been working well for you. Call Gp or pdoc as soon as you can hugs
     
  3. GreyCat

    GreyCat Well-Known Member

    HI T.E
    Thanks for your reply, I will see my doctor next week. Have been feeling ok since that day. Am just going to read as much as I can about what I'm on, I think it pays to visit the doctor pre informed! Hope all is good with you!
     
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