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Moments of madness

So so tired

Well-Known Member
#1
From the outside looking in, much of my life may seem normal to the outsider but they are so nieve.

Much of my thought patterns can be rational and collective and I often think that I can present as a stable and a well balanced individual.
Having said this, the very opposite can occur usually as the build up of stresses that take their toll.

It's then, I seem to lack the insight to see the bigger picture as I am so ingulfed by feelings and thoughts that shape my impulsive and often very dangerous behaviour.

I often feel like a cat that is quickly using up my 9 lives.
I wish that I could not get caught up in my despair and see the cause and consequences of my behaviour before I act but this never happens.

My psychiatrist said that his biggest concern was my impulsively and I don't see just high risk and dangerous my actions are, which is true.
Your irrational mind has taken over and usually its hard for me to be in touch with reality.
I often look back and see the extreme situations I put myself in, but didn't appreciate their severity at the time.

We get fixated on what we want and need when in a crisis that nothing else seems to matter.
I do worry about what I could do.

If I were to practice the, STOP and cope ahead strategy, my life could be way less complicated and I would achieve more in a shorter period of time.
I have always said that, the mind is a wonderful thing when it works but can also seriously let you down.
I hope that suicidal intent is not a life long burden to carry and depression could subside when and if we achieve our true hearts desires.
There is no way that I can invisage this atm but hope that one day I can be happy and content with life and see that there is more to it, then the existence it is presently.
Xx
 

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