Mommy's Angels --Possibly Triggering--

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by tearsallday, Apr 25, 2012.

  1. tearsallday

    tearsallday Account Closed

    Today I am really missing my beautiful angels. I miscarried back in 2006 and 2007... I hate myself because I know that I could have fixed it. I could have done something to make my body safer. I really really miss my babies and I am killing myself over this... My daughter's name is Mackenzie Ann and my son's name is Jaxon Alexander... it's nearing their anniversary of their miscarriages and I am having a horrible time. I miss my babies and I want them back. I want my babies back!!! Please... I wish I could hold them one time, just once. My babies would be 5 and 4 right now... they would be in starting school, learning, exploring their world, growing into the wonderful people they should have been able to grow into... but they can't because their mother's body rejected them... I am shaking as I write this and I just need to get it out... I went to therapy and she suggested making a memorial to them... so I did. But everytime I pass by the crosses, I feel like I want to die. I think about it and scream inside... I know that my babies are in heaven and that they are being taken care of by my family... but it hurts everytime it nears their anniversary. I just needed to vent...
     
  2. HarleyTwin

    HarleyTwin Staff Alumni

    I wish I had words to bring you comfort right now, tears. This breaks my heart and I WISH I had seen it sooner. I hate to say that I'm sorry you know such pain...I know it too. My children would be turning 10 and 9 this year. Two girls and a boy. And I too think of them every day of how they would be now. I remember especially when they would have been at the age of starting school and it hurt me awfully. My girls anniversaries are coming up next month and in June too, and I dread this time of year. Please, know that you're not alone. They are with you now even though your can't see them. In your heart, or watching over you...whatever you wish to have faith in.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, sweetie. When you feel a little better, if you'd like to I'm here to talk if you need.
     
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Threads like this break my heart. I was only 8 weeks when I miscarried and I went through it alone, only my fiancé and an ex friend of mine knew and they were less than supportive at the time so I still struggle with this. My fiancé is a lot more understanding now we are older (he was 17 at the time). We light candles on the due date and the anniversary of the miscarriage and called our little baby Angel and we talk about it every so often. Talking about it does help because I kept it inside for so long it was killing me inside. It given me some sort of closure. I will never forget but I can draw a line in the sand.
     
  4. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    I know the feeling so well...I'm in tears now...very upset...I first lost my boyfriend in a car accident and 2 weeks later I also had a miscarriage and lost our unborn baby...so I know what you are feeling...life is not fair...
     
  5. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    It is so hard to lose someone special, yet never get to meet them. it's so difficult as you get older you wonder what they could have become. I miscarried at 17, and I wonder all the time what would have happened and things of the kind. Recently a friend shared with me a little way of thinking about it.
    (this isnt anything religious)
    A child is a gift from God, for every mother he selects his finest child and sends them to the mother, sadly for the mothers, the child is having too much fun playing with the other angels and is not ready to leave their friends just yet. But one day, when they are ready, they'll be the most special, amazing gorgeous gift one could ever hold.
     
  6. houseofcards

    houseofcards Well-Known Member

    my heart goes out to you all and those who you've lost. I lost mine while I was 4 months along back when I was 17 and was with my ex boyfriend. It really hurts when it gets to that time of the year, for sure.
     
  7. tearsallday

    tearsallday Account Closed

    Thank you all for your support. I hate that others had to go through the same pain that I have been through and am going through.... but I somehow feel comforted to know that I'm not alone in this chaos, confusion and hurt. Thank you all.