Money & Friendship

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by pit, Dec 5, 2009.

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  1. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    A friend of mine called me and claimed she was in a dire situation. She had to pay outstanding rent or be booted out of her house. Since I have a steady job and am doing pretty good financially, I sent her $400.

    Ten years ago she was in a similar crisis and I helped her out then too. But if she calls me back months from now, I'm not gonna help her anymore. She always claimed to pay me back, but never did. However, she did some favors for me years ago, so that was the impetus for my generosity.

    I always have mixed feelings about friends begging me for money. Luckily she is the only one. I figure if I help her out, I might need her for a favor in the future as well, who knows. But a large part of me wants to get off of this favor merry-go-round.

    What do you guys think?
  2. Disappear

    Disappear Well-Known Member

    We all try to be nice and plase everyone..but money? and take much? I dont think so. Dont want to be used up, especially if they say they will pay back but never do.
  3. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I donno. If I had it I'd give it to one of my mates, because I know my mates would give it back to me someday. But if I had a friend who was constantly needing money and kept asking me, well, I'd have to have a talk with them and say no after the last time I give them money so theyd know they couldnt come back to me. Asking for money is a last resort for the independent in my opinon, once you get used to the feeling of it being ok to borrow youre not really that independant and I personally won't fuel that lifestyle in someone else, especially a friend. Ill help out a friend when life goes a bit poxy for them, because that's part of being a friend.
  4. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    I dunno. I have bad taste and am a magnate for users and assholes. I used to do everything I could to help others, until it ran me into the ground so many times, and I realized these people didn't do anything in return, just kept taking and taking and using and using. So my opinion is that if they're a friend, they won't ask. I don't ask anyone for anything any longer. I don't want anything in return. Even family will put it to you, in my estimation, such as my dad "helping" as a form of control. But then again I'm a budding curmudgeon and misanthrope.
  5. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I'm definitely drawing the line. The next time she asks, I'll say no, whatever the situation is. I helped out in the past, that's it. I don't owe her any more.

    This Xmas spirit of giving has left me very resentful this time. Next holiday season, I plan to shrug my shoulders in indifference and thereby reduce the surplus population.

  6. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I have been on disability, a finite and fixed income for a very long time now but my brother thinks I am an ATM machine in human form. I have lent him money up to several thousand now and had to really do without because I'm a chump in this regard.

    I have recently given my brother an ultimatum to get into alcohol rehab and salvage his life because I will not enable him any further.
  7. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    There's a saying that goes something like "When lending money consider it a gift and if you get it back consider it a bonus" or something like that. I've lent out money a few times (less than $100 amounts) with the hopes of getting it back and never have. I've wasted emotions being annoyed by losing the money but I shouldn't have been so naive as to expect them to pay it back because most people don't in this day and age, especially young people. I think they see it as choosing to give up their money instead of being obligated to repay a debt. These days I would still give money to a friend if they needed it, but I wouldn't expect to get it back, even if they promised to repay it. This promise is regularly forgotten, or broken. Either way it's a waste of time getting all flustered over an unpaid debt, there's nothing you can do except badger then about it, and money is usually the first thing to destroy a friendship, so its best not to bring money into it.
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